"Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees."
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."
"I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses."
"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."
"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress."
"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex—but Congress can."
"Congress consists of one third, more or less, scoundrels; two thirds, more or less, idiots; and three thirds, more or less, poltroons."
"If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?"
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
"To hear some men talk of the government, you would suppose that Congress was the law of gravitation, and kept the planets in their places."
"They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress, you know that the filibuster was invented by men."
"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?"
"The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone."
"Of course, the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the US tax code, you'd find at least one sex scene. ("Yes, yes, YES!" moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture...)"