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FUNNY CONSTITUTION QUOTES

You have the right to be laughing over these funny US constitution quotes, and you have the right to a chuckle. If you cannot afford a chuckle, one will be appointed to you.

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Funny Constitutional Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US senators."

Will Rogers

"The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself."

John Ciardi

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

Henry Kissinger

"A democracy is two wolves and a small lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Freedom under a constitutional republic is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."

Benjamin Franklin

"I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the constitution to a man who will burn the constitution and then wrap himself in the flag."

Craig Washington

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers


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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

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Titles link to DVD pages for each movie/show...

From Desperate Housewives

Carlos: "That was our lawyer. Libby rejected us as parents."

Gabrielle: "Why? What? That's discrimination. It's illegal. We could have her arrested."

Carlos: "It's her baby. She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it. Damn it."

Gabrielle: "No! No, you don't just toss people aside because of the color of their skin."

Carlos: "We tossed those birth mothers aside because of their appearance."

Gabrielle: "Well, that's different."

Carlos: "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Because I've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people."

Nixon's head and Leela From Futurama

Leela: "Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!"

Nixon's head: "Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!"
[Scene changes to the US Supreme Court]

From The Simpsons

Kid: "Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"

The Amendment: "I'm not garbage."

The Amendment [singing]: "I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom. I wanna make it legal for policeman to beat 'em, cause there's limits to our liberty, least I hope and prey that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go too far!"

Kid: "Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?"

The Amendment: "Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the constitution..."

Kid: "Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!"

The Amendment: "Now you're catching on! "

Smithers From The Simpsons

Smithers: "Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word 'suckers' in it."

From The Simpsons

Lisa: "Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group."

Homer: "A president doesn't have to be smart. All he has to do is point the army and shoot."

Lisa: "But he's eight, and the constitution says you have to be 35 to be president."

Bart: "Lis, I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed the constitution to protect our rights."

Adrian Monk From Monk

Sharona: "If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?"

Monk: "Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself."

Ariana Dakkar: "How did you know that?"

Monk: "The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the US Constitution, something no citizen would ever do."

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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."

Kurt Vonnegut

"What are politicians going to tell people when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?"

William Simpson

"A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the constitution."

Margaret Heckler

"The primary function of the government is—and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution—'to spew out paper.'"

Dave Barry




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AUDIO CLIPS ABOUT CONSTITUTIONAL BANDITRY

CATEGORY:  HISTORY, FINANCIAL — 14.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Peak Prosperity

Either We Break the Bankster Alliances or They Will Break Us — Nomi Prins reviews the historical circumstances that led to the formation of the big-bank-controlled Federal Reserve; that is, how the financial foxes were put in charge of the public's hen house. She then explains how many rich US elites in the late 1800s/early 1900s thought that keeping money flowing and not being too draconian helped the masses, which in turn helped the elites maintain the system that provided the wealth. But some bankers were not of a mind to play the game this way, and Louis Brandeis warned: "We must break the Money Trust or the Money Trust will break us." Nomi Prins says we are headed into a new era of high banker mischief, vast income gaps, and reckless behavior among leaders and elites. She says we must take heed of Brandeis' warning and take down the banker-corporate-politician-industrial complex.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   52:45

GP comment:  I have passed on a couple of Prins interviews earlier this year, but here she is starting to step outside the envelope and address the bankster power structure as the criminal enterprise that it truly is.

Original Show Pub Date: 31.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE — 13.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

Endless War, Endless War Spin — As Obama talks about a new major cycle of the war on terror—this time against the Islamic State—Norman Solomon of the Institute for Public Accuracy says Obama talks about not being interested in "endless war" but is doing more than any previous president to engage the US in exactly that. Solomon also says Brain Williams' worst lies about war were not his exaggerations of his personal experiences reporting from danger zones but rather his parroting the war propaganda of both the Bush and Obama administrations and his failure to challenge any aspect of the corrupt endless-war agenda. Of course, all the big names in media did the same. Finally, Solomon talks about the case of CIA whistleblower Jeffrey Sterling, who has been persecuted for exposing a dodgy CIA operation to the Senate Intelligence Committee.
Watch A  |  Watch B  |  Watch C
Download/listen   17:18

GP comment:  Solomon is very good here. The title of his book gives some indication of his tone: War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death.

Original Show Pub Date: 12.Feb.2015 ~~ Original story titles ... Endless War? Obama Sends Congress Expansive Anti-ISIS Measure 6 Months After Bombing Began ~~ Brian Williams Suspended for False Iraq Tale, But Media's Real Scandal is the War Lies Spun Daily ~~ Was Jeffrey Sterling Trial a Gov't Effort to Divide Investigative Journalists & Whistleblowers?

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 11.FEB.2015

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Uprising

Understanding the Roots of Terrorism—Theirs and Ours — Much of President Obama's record-breaking defense budget proposal will fund proxy wars around the globe. The US is training and arming Sunni tribal groups in Iraq to fight ISIS, and it may soon begin supplying weapons to the Ukrainian military against Russia. Drone strikes continue to take their toll in Yemen and elsewhere. Meanwhile, a jingoistic film called ĎAmerican Sniperí glorifies killing and demonizes Muslims with virtually no historical context. Chris Hedges says most Americans accept the myth of American rightness and do-goodism while ignoring the obvious parallels in the terrorism practiced by the US and the terrorism practiced by ISIS and their ilk. He says the empire is not only busy abroad but is also quietly pre-positioning suppressive-force capabilities on the home front, in preparation for the inevitable pushback from the masses as their impoverishment worsens.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   27:32

GP comment:  Many excellent points in this one.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Feb.2015

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