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FUNNY CONSTITUTION QUOTES

You have the right to be laughing over these funny US constitution quotes, and you have the right to a chuckle. If you cannot afford a chuckle, one will be appointed to you.

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Funny Constitutional Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US senators."

Will Rogers

"The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself."

John Ciardi

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

Henry Kissinger

"A democracy is two wolves and a small lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Freedom under a constitutional republic is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."

Benjamin Franklin

"I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the constitution to a man who will burn the constitution and then wrap himself in the flag."

Craig Washington

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers


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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

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From Desperate Housewives

Carlos: "That was our lawyer. Libby rejected us as parents."

Gabrielle: "Why? What? That's discrimination. It's illegal. We could have her arrested."

Carlos: "It's her baby. She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it. Damn it."

Gabrielle: "No! No, you don't just toss people aside because of the color of their skin."

Carlos: "We tossed those birth mothers aside because of their appearance."

Gabrielle: "Well, that's different."

Carlos: "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Because I've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people."

Nixon's head and Leela From Futurama

Leela: "Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!"

Nixon's head: "Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!"
[Scene changes to the US Supreme Court]

From The Simpsons

Kid: "Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"

The Amendment: "I'm not garbage."

The Amendment [singing]: "I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom. I wanna make it legal for policeman to beat 'em, cause there's limits to our liberty, least I hope and prey that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go too far!"

Kid: "Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?"

The Amendment: "Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the constitution..."

Kid: "Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!"

The Amendment: "Now you're catching on! "

Smithers From The Simpsons

Smithers: "Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word 'suckers' in it."

From The Simpsons

Lisa: "Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group."

Homer: "A president doesn't have to be smart. All he has to do is point the army and shoot."

Lisa: "But he's eight, and the constitution says you have to be 35 to be president."

Bart: "Lis, I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed the constitution to protect our rights."

Adrian Monk From Monk

Sharona: "If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?"

Monk: "Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself."

Ariana Dakkar: "How did you know that?"

Monk: "The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the US Constitution, something no citizen would ever do."

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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."

Kurt Vonnegut

"What are politicians going to tell people when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?"

William Simpson

"A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the constitution."

Margaret Heckler

"The primary function of the government is—and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution—'to spew out paper.'"

Dave Barry




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Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS ABOUT CONSTITUTIONAL BANDITRY

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 01.OCT.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Progressive Commentary Hour

Policing for Profit — Eric Balaban of the ACLU discusses the reemergence of debtor’s prisons and the social strategy to incarcerate the poor. ~~ Darpana Sheth, an attorney with the Institute for Justice, discusses the rise in civil forfeiture—where the cops take your property without arresting or charging you—as profit-making schemes for local law enforcement.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:03:13

GP comment:  Gary Null continually over-frames the issues, but the guests are quite good. And these are very important issues.

Original Show Pub Date: 23.Sep.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 22.SEP.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Unwelcome Guests

Lifting The Money Veil on the CIA's Off-the-Books Funding — Off-the-books funding has routinely funded CIA operations since its inception. Emile De Antonio reviews the history of state-assisted drug trafficking as a funding source for covert operations. He also talks about key deep-state operatives, including George H.W. Bush. ~~ Journalist Craig Unger discusses the failure of the commercially controlled media to report on the collapse of WTC Building 7. ~~ Peter Dale Scott discusses the early history of the CIA and explains how post-WW2-captured funds worked as seed money to make sure that even before there was a CIA there was a black budget available for off-the-books operations.
Go to page A  |  Download/listen A   59:36
Go to page B  |  Download/listen B   59:36

GP comment:  Not quite must-listening, but close. Highly recommended.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Sep.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, FINANCIAL, COLLAPSE — 05.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! ExtraEnvironmentalist

Falling Empires — John Michael Greer offers a superb summary of the US as an empire, covering important topics such as .... the US as the first empire that does not call itself one; empire as a means of extracting wealth from outside the empire and transferring it inside the empire; the role of energy in the development of the US empire; the doubletalk of empire; how empires transition to oligarchies and ultimately end; why a new constitutional convention as a path to reclaiming democracy might backfire. ~~ Then Chris Martenson talks about the financial system as the most likely sector to have an empire-threatening catastrophe.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   2:06:35

GP comment:  I have a few minor differences with both Greer and Martenson, but overall, they present a clear and coherent picture of empire and inevitable collapse. Greer may turn out to be right that no one is in charge of the crazy train, but I doubt it. There's too much at stake for those who covet money and power, and the rest of us are mostly just trying to survive our little lives.

Original Show Pub Date: 02.Sep.2014

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