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FUNNY CONSTITUTION QUOTES

You have the right to be laughing over these funny US constitution quotes, and you have the right to a chuckle. If you cannot afford a chuckle, one will be appointed to you.

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Funny Constitutional Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US senators."

Will Rogers

"The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself."

John Ciardi

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

Henry Kissinger

"A democracy is two wolves and a small lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Freedom under a constitutional republic is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."

Benjamin Franklin

"I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the constitution to a man who will burn the constitution and then wrap himself in the flag."

Craig Washington

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers


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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

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Titles link to DVD pages for each movie/show...

From Desperate Housewives

Carlos: "That was our lawyer. Libby rejected us as parents."

Gabrielle: "Why? What? That's discrimination. It's illegal. We could have her arrested."

Carlos: "It's her baby. She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it. Damn it."

Gabrielle: "No! No, you don't just toss people aside because of the color of their skin."

Carlos: "We tossed those birth mothers aside because of their appearance."

Gabrielle: "Well, that's different."

Carlos: "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Because I've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people."

Nixon's head and Leela From Futurama

Leela: "Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!"

Nixon's head: "Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!"
[Scene changes to the US Supreme Court]

From The Simpsons

Kid: "Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"

The Amendment: "I'm not garbage."

The Amendment [singing]: "I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom. I wanna make it legal for policeman to beat 'em, cause there's limits to our liberty, least I hope and prey that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go too far!"

Kid: "Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?"

The Amendment: "Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the constitution..."

Kid: "Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!"

The Amendment: "Now you're catching on! "

Smithers From The Simpsons

Smithers: "Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word 'suckers' in it."

From The Simpsons

Lisa: "Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group."

Homer: "A president doesn't have to be smart. All he has to do is point the army and shoot."

Lisa: "But he's eight, and the constitution says you have to be 35 to be president."

Bart: "Lis, I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed the constitution to protect our rights."

Adrian Monk From Monk

Sharona: "If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?"

Monk: "Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself."

Ariana Dakkar: "How did you know that?"

Monk: "The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the US Constitution, something no citizen would ever do."

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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."

Kurt Vonnegut

"What are politicians going to tell people when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?"

William Simpson

"A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the constitution."

Margaret Heckler

"The primary function of the government is—and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution—'to spew out paper.'"

Dave Barry




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Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS ABOUT CONSTITUTIONAL BANDITRY

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 01.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Guns and Butter

Catherine Austin Fitts on Wealth Harvesting and the Black Budget — Financial guru Catherine Austin Fitts talks explains how she came up with the figure of $40 trillion in wealth stolen from the general public in the last 30 years. Topics include... how they did it; who "they" are; what they are likely using the money for; the Financial Coup d'Etat; privatizing of government budget management; history and organization of the financial system since World War II; the Exchange Stabilization Fund, a weapon managed by the New York Fed; the future world of digital currencies; why the bubbles and financial schemes are far too large to be explained by incompetence or corruption.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:00

GP comment:  Lots of great speculation here, though much of it is indeed speculation. And she doesn't have it quite right on the budget stuff—-there's the normal government budget world, in which dutiful accountants, both govvies and contractors, monitor the funds down to the penny. Then there is the world of "off budget" items and black budgets, into which trillions flow.... and go missing.

Original Show Pub Date: 25.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL, EMPIRE — 24.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good C-Realm Podcast

Notions of a New Economy — At the CommonBound 2014 gathering, KMO interviews guests on the topic of shifting to a sustainable economy. Guests are NEC president Bob Massie; Chuck Collins of the Institute for Policy Studies; and Lauren Hudson of Solidarity NYC. All three conversations touch on technology, messaging, and what constitutes effective action in the movement to foster a just transition to a new economic reality and a political process that works for people, not plutocrats.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:07:57

GP comment:  It's always tempting to dash the ship of good hope on the rocks of reality, but the speakers here do get into some of the knotty issues that go with daunting goals like a "new economy."

Original Show Pub Date: 18.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 20.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Diet Soap Podcast

The Imperial Risk — Margaret Kimberley and Douglas Lain discuss US imperialism. Topics include Ukraine, mainstream media, Obama the uber-imperialist, and capitalism as a game of Risk.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:00

GP comment:  Takeaway line: "Democrats or Republicans, you're still going to get imperialism."

Original Show Pub Date: 07.Jun.2014

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