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FUNNY CONSTITUTION QUOTES

You have the right to be laughing over these funny US constitution quotes, and you have the right to a chuckle. If you cannot afford a chuckle, one will be appointed to you.

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Funny Constitutional Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US senators."

Will Rogers

"The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself."

John Ciardi

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

Henry Kissinger

"A democracy is two wolves and a small lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Freedom under a constitutional republic is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."

Benjamin Franklin

"I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the constitution to a man who will burn the constitution and then wrap himself in the flag."

Craig Washington

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers


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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

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Titles link to DVD pages for each movie/show...

From Desperate Housewives

Carlos: "That was our lawyer. Libby rejected us as parents."

Gabrielle: "Why? What? That's discrimination. It's illegal. We could have her arrested."

Carlos: "It's her baby. She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it. Damn it."

Gabrielle: "No! No, you don't just toss people aside because of the color of their skin."

Carlos: "We tossed those birth mothers aside because of their appearance."

Gabrielle: "Well, that's different."

Carlos: "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Because I've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people."

Nixon's head and Leela From Futurama

Leela: "Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!"

Nixon's head: "Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!"
[Scene changes to the US Supreme Court]

From The Simpsons

Kid: "Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"

The Amendment: "I'm not garbage."

The Amendment [singing]: "I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom. I wanna make it legal for policeman to beat 'em, cause there's limits to our liberty, least I hope and prey that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go too far!"

Kid: "Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?"

The Amendment: "Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the constitution..."

Kid: "Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!"

The Amendment: "Now you're catching on! "

Smithers From The Simpsons

Smithers: "Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word 'suckers' in it."

From The Simpsons

Lisa: "Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group."

Homer: "A president doesn't have to be smart. All he has to do is point the army and shoot."

Lisa: "But he's eight, and the constitution says you have to be 35 to be president."

Bart: "Lis, I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed the constitution to protect our rights."

Adrian Monk From Monk

Sharona: "If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?"

Monk: "Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself."

Ariana Dakkar: "How did you know that?"

Monk: "The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the US Constitution, something no citizen would ever do."

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Funny Constitution Quotes ...
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."

Kurt Vonnegut

"What are politicians going to tell people when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?"

William Simpson

"A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the constitution."

Margaret Heckler

"The primary function of the government is—and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution—'to spew out paper.'"

Dave Barry




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AUDIO CLIPS ABOUT CONSTITUTIONAL BANDITRY

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 01.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Washington Journal

Richard Gage of Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth on C-SPAN — Richard Gage, founder of the group Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth discusses their evidence that Building 7 was destroyed by controlled demolition on September 11th. The group is calling for an open investigation into the science and facts of 9/11. Topics include: why modern skyscrapers with high-stgrength steel supports cannot collapse in free fall without controlled demolition; refutation of various claims by NIST in their analysis (cover-up); and evidence for use of the high-tech demolition explosive thermite.
Watch  |  Download/listen A   39:41

GP comment:  Excellent that this got on C-SPAN. The 9/11 crime is similar to the JFK murder—if left unsolved, it will be another huge helping of impugnity for the corrupt cabal that runs things, which will ultimately lead to true totalitarianism.

Original Show Pub Date: 01.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 11.AUG.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Corbett Report

Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve — War. Poverty. Revolution. They all hinge on economics. And economics rests on one key concept: money. But what is money? How is it created? Who controls it? It is remarkable that, given its central importance in our lives, not one person in a hundred can answer such basic questions about money. James Corbett's new documentary, Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve, endeavors to enlighten the public on the machinations of the banksters over the last few centuries, culminating in 1913 in the creation of their main tool, the Federal Reserve.
Watch  |  Download/listen   1:29:57

GP comment:  Corbett is clear, cogent, and well researched on the topic. His film is not quite as engaging as The Money Masters, though it is more up-to-date.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 22.AUG.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen C-Realm Podcast

Futures Near and Far — KMO speaks with "military science fiction" novelist Linda Nagata. The themes include eroding civil liberties; cybernetics and nanotechnology; the growing power of defense contractors; and the coercions of empire. As an example of the interstection of fiction and reality, the soldiers in Nagata's novel The Bohr Maker wear powered exoskeletons, which are more advanced versions of systems actually in development by Lockheed Martin.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:55

GP comment:  Insect-bots and super-soldiers and Big Brother cops, oh my! Unfortunately, we are already part-way there.

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Aug.2014

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