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FUNNY QUOTES ON PUBLIC SPEAKING

We have humorous quotes on public speaking! Quotes that give laughs to private readers and public speakers alike, with funny quotes about public speaking that include a couple of funny quote about graduation speakers.

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Funny Public Speaking Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

George Jessel

"Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary."

Evan Esar

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

Mark Twain

"Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either."

Gore Vidal

"What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to."

Hansell B. Duckett

"There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."

Winston Churchill

"The duty of a toastmaster is to be so dull that the succeeding speakers will appear brilliant by contrast."

Clarence B. Kelland

"Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening."

Dorothy Sarnoff

"Speak when you are angry—and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Laurence J. Peter

Every speaker has a mouth;
An arrangement rather neat.
Sometimes it's filled with wisdom.
Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Robert Orben


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Funny Public Speaking Quotes ...
FUNNY GRADUATION/COMMENCEMENT SPEAKERS QUOTES

"Nothing is as easy to make as a promise this winter to do something next summer; this is how commencement speakers are caught."

Sydney J. Harris

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."

Robert Orben


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MP3 News link; image of robot head; feature story is THE TECHNOLOGICAL SINGULARITY VS. PEAK OIL
 

Funny Public Speaking Quotes . . .
FUNNY, SPEAKING OF WEIRD

"HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue-outang."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them."

H. L. Mencken



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

picture of lying pol Whether you think a speaker is brilliant or is instead deserving of awards like "Most Uhms in A Speech" or "Grandest Gaffe," make sure you don't fall for any pandering, oversimplifications, and double-talk on environment and energy issues. To arm yourself against such spurious speechifying, check out our updated piece on environmental doublespeak ....



 

Funny Public Speaking Quotes . . .
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If you know any humorous quotes on public speaking that we missed, we'd love for you to email it to us. Give us the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email us a quote. Thanks!

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ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny Quotes on Public Speaking

Bush at lectern; click to go to video page at external site; opens in new window

BUSHISMS VIDEO REVIEW

Well, love him or hate him, he'll be gone soon—barring a total usurpation of constitutional authority—and we will all be deprived of the grand gaffes and gargantuan goofs that gush from his grinning gob. The next president is almost certain to bring a decline in entertainment (and embarrassment) value, so enjoy him while you can ... with this 1-minute review of some of Bush Jr.'s worst public speaking flubs. At Google Video. Go there

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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