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FUNNY QUOTES ON PUBLIC SPEAKING

We have humorous quotes on public speaking! Quotes that give laughs to private readers and public speakers alike, with funny quotes about public speaking that include a couple of funny quote about graduation speakers.

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Funny Public Speaking Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

George Jessel

"Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary."

Evan Esar

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

Mark Twain

"Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either."

Gore Vidal

"What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to."

Hansell B. Duckett

"There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."

Winston Churchill

"The duty of a toastmaster is to be so dull that the succeeding speakers will appear brilliant by contrast."

Clarence B. Kelland

"Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening."

Dorothy Sarnoff

"Speak when you are angry—and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Laurence J. Peter

Every speaker has a mouth;
An arrangement rather neat.
Sometimes it's filled with wisdom.
Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Robert Orben


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Funny Public Speaking Quotes ...
FUNNY GRADUATION/COMMENCEMENT SPEAKERS QUOTES

"Nothing is as easy to make as a promise this winter to do something next summer; this is how commencement speakers are caught."

Sydney J. Harris

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."

Robert Orben


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Funny Public Speaking Quotes . . .
FUNNY, SPEAKING OF WEIRD

"HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue-outang."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them."

H. L. Mencken



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

picture of lying pol Whether you think a speaker is brilliant or is instead deserving of awards like "Most Uhms in A Speech" or "Grandest Gaffe," make sure you don't fall for any pandering, oversimplifications, and double-talk on environment and energy issues. To arm yourself against such spurious speechifying, check out our updated piece on environmental doublespeak ....




Funny Public Speaking
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FUNNY PUBLIC SPEAKING QUOTE

If you know any humorous quotes on public speaking that we missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
MEDIA & COMMUNICATIONS

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE — 14.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Unwelcome Guests

Terrorists Against Terror! ... Warmongers, Media, and the Charlie Hebdo Attack — Why has the corporate media put such emphasis on the attack on the satirical French magazine Charlie Hebdo, which killed only a tiny fraction of the number killed in the recent massacre in Nigeria, an event largely ignored by the media? What of the commercially-controlled media's claim that we need moderate Muslims to condemn the attack? Where were the calls for moderate Christians to condemn the Christian extremists whose illegal war killed over a million Iraqis? What lies behind the simplistic official narratives pushed by corporate media? Dissident BBC reporter Tony Gosling examines connections between recent terrorist events and sketches out a highly compelling picture of darker forces at work.
Go to page A  |  Download/listen A   59:36
Go to page B  |  Download/listen B   59:36

GP comment:  Gosling and his interviewer occasionally go too far in their ruminations; for instance, I think the idea that financially troubled Charlie Hebdo might have murdered itself as a publicity stunt to avoid going out of business is plain stupid. The attack as a black-op bitch-slap of France for its recent non-compliance with US geopolitical strategies is a much more compelling angle. Broadly speaking, though, most of the ideas presented in the two hours are fairly on-target.

Original Show Pub Date: 24.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: Terrorists Against Terror! (Corporate Media Handling of The Charlie Hebdo Attack)

CATEGORY:  MEDIA — 08.FEB.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen CounterSpin

Will FCC's New Rules Really Protect Net Neutrality? — The head of the FCC has just announced a new rule that will ostensibly protect the openness of the Internet. The approach would reclassify the internet as a public utility, like the phone system. The rules would ban paid prioritization or blocking/throttling of lawful content and services. The commision's vote is still weeks away, but questions remain. The FCC's oversight of industry to date might be described as having been "helpful"; so will this new proposal have teeth and actually maintain an even playing field on the Internet? Craig Aaron of Free Press discusses.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   9:12

GP comment:  Since the FCC is stacked with revolving-door players from industry, it's hard to imagine the regulators are just going to "do the right thing" for the public. I note that Wheeler explicitly procalimed that the new rules would protect mobile broadband users. What about home internet service? is that the loophole that will give industry the fat end of the deal?

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Feb.2015 ~~ Original story title: Craig Aaron on FCC Reclassification

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE, ENVIRONMENT — 10.JAN.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Project Censored

The Most Underreported Stories of 2014 — Project Censored is out with a new addition of their annual "unreported stories" book. On the empire front, their most-underreported stories include "Top Ten US Aid Recipients All Practice Torture"; "WikiLeaks Revelations on Trans-Pacific Partnership Ignored by Corporate Media"; "Corporate Internet Providers Threaten Net Neutrality"; "Bankers Back on Wall Street Despite Major Crimes"; "The Deep State—Government Without the Consent of the Governed"; "US Media Hypocrisy in Covering Ukraine Crisis." On the environmental front, their top underreported stories include "Ocean Acidification Increasing at Unprecedented Rate"; "Lawsuit Challenges Nuclear Power Industry Immunity from Liability in Nuclear Accidents"; "Agribusiness Attempts to Discredit Scientists Who Reveal Herbicide Health Threats."
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:00

GP comment:  This clip includes an interview with Zara Zimbardo, who recently penned "It Is Easier to Imagine the Zombie Apocalypse Than the End of Capitalism." Catchy title, but we need to be more clever in attacking capitalism. It must be continually distinguished from "free enterprise" and "entrepreneurship" and "effort/reward." Capitalism is not about those things; it means "money rules," and no one but the 1% of the 1% really want that.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jan.2015

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GP CARTOONS RELATED TO
Public Speaking

 
Political Language Joke/Cartoon link; thumb of politician's head LITTLE-KNOWN POLITICAL ABBREVIATIONS
Political Language Joke/Cartoon
 
Public Speaking Jokes/Cartoon link; thumb of public speaker with raised hand PUBLIC SPEAKING AWARDS PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO AVOID GETTING
Public Speaking Jokes/Cartoon
 
Funny Comic Cartoon link; thumb of hobbes the tiger COMIC STRIP CHARACTERS SPEAK OUT ON MODERN LAW ENFORCEMENT ISSUES
Funny Comic Cartoon

ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny Quotes on Public Speaking

Bush at lectern; click to go to video page at external site; opens in new window

BUSHISMS VIDEO REVIEW

Well, love him or hate him, he'll be gone soon—barring a total usurpation of constitutional authority—and we will all be deprived of the grand gaffes and gargantuan goofs that gush from his grinning gob. The next president is almost certain to bring a decline in entertainment (and embarrassment) value, so enjoy him while you can ... with this 1-minute review of some of Bush Jr.'s worst public speaking flubs. At Google Video. No longer available

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Funny Animations/Videos

       
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