FUNNY SCHOOL QUOTES

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."

— Edgar W. Howe

"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."

— Paul Merton

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

— Mark Twain

"We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school."

— Peter De Vries

"But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret."

— Ronald Reagan

"In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends."

— David Spade

"My mother tells this story that when I first went to school, I thought I was going to help the teachers. I didn't realize I was going to get educated."

— Moon Unit Zappa

"Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"

— Warren Hutcherson

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

— Mark Twain

"Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality."

— Beatrix Potter

"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."

— Will Rogers

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."

— Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally."

— Calvin Trillin

"As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools."

— Unknown

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."

— Woody Allen

"We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school."

— Peter De Vries

"Show me a man who has enjoyed his school days and I'll show you a bully and a bore."

— Robert Morely

"I was the naughty kid that the teachers liked. I bullied a kid in the 1st year when I was in the 2nd, who then hit puberty like a plane crash and grew into a gorilla who bullied me when he was in the 4th year and I was in the 5th. That's Karma."

— Simon Pegg

"Remember, I'm the kind of kid who used to get stuffed into a locker by school bullies. I've never felt like I'm a big star at any level of my life."

— Winona Ryder

"In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window."

— Rodney Dangerfield

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."

— Lenny Bruce

"My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section."

— Norm Crosby

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."

— Jeff Foxworthy

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

— Woody Allen

"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

— Yogi Berra

"My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had, so he sent me to a girls school."

— Jack Herbert

"My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.' "

— Stephen Wright

"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day."

— Jay Mohr

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

— Dan Quayle

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

— Dan Quayle