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FUNNY SCHOOL QUOTES

These funny school quotes include funny high school quotes and good bully quotes.

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Funny School Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."

Edgar W. Howe

"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."

Paul Merton

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain

"We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school."

Peter De Vries

"But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret."

Ronald Reagan

"In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends."

David Spade

"My mother tells this story that when I first went to school, I thought I was going to help the teachers. I didn't realize I was going to get educated."

Moon Unit Zappa

"Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"

Warren Hutcherson

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

Mark Twain

"Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality."

Beatrix Potter

"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."

Will Rogers

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally."

Calvin Trillin

"As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools."

Unknown

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."

Woody Allen

"We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school."

Peter De Vries


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Funny Quotes About School . . .
GOOD BULLY QUOTES

"Show me a man who has enjoyed his school days and I'll show you a bully and a bore."

Robert Morely

"I was the naughty kid that the teachers liked. I bullied a kid in the 1st year when I was in the 2nd, who then hit puberty like a plane crash and grew into a gorilla who bullied me when he was in the 4th year and I was in the 5th. That's Karma."

Simon Pegg

"Remember, I'm the kind of kid who used to get stuffed into a locker by school bullies. I've never felt like I'm a big star at any level of my life."

Winona Ryder


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Funny School Quotes . . .
FUNNY QUOTES ON SCHOOL VIOLENCE

"In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window."

Rodney Dangerfield

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."

Lenny Bruce

"My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section."

Norm Crosby

 

Funny Quotes About School . . .
FROM LEFT FIELD

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."

Jeff Foxworthy

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

Woody Allen

"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

Yogi Berra

"My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had, so he sent me to a girls school."

Jack Herbert

"My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.' "

Stephen Wright

"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day."

Jay Mohr

 

Funny School Quotes . . .
THAT'S JUST SAD

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

Dan Quayle

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

Dan Quayle



 

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thumb of ant If you've been spending a lot of time trying to rid your house of little ants, we'd be happy to school you on a natural (and cheap) method for dealing with sugar ants ...

 

Funny School Quotes
COMM. CENTER & RELATED STUFF

SIMILAR CATEGORIES

Funny Education Quotes

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Funny Quote subject list

Jokes/Cartoons (General)

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FUNNY SCHOOL QUOTE

If you know of a funny school quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
LEARNING CAN BE FUN!

CATEGORY:  SPECIES, FUNNY — 08.MAY.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen The Colbert Report

E.O. Wilson on Ants, Dominion, Biodiversity, and Extinction — Stephen Colbert thumps his Bible and—true to his funny, faux right-wing character—asks E.O. Wilson to explain why man's dominion over the beasts should not be paramount, even if it means extinction. Tut, tut, explains Wilson; in the end, the ants win.
Watch  |  Download/listen   6:02

GP comment:  Mildly amusing. Wilson is a class act.

Original Show Pub Date: 05.May.2014

CATEGORY:  FUNNY — 06.MAY.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Fresh Air

Hari Kondabolu—The Accidental Comic — It might seem that comic Hari Kondabolu risks alienating his audience by constantly taking on topics like the "understanding gap" between whites and minorities and the oddities of colonialism. But risks have always been fine with him. He never intended to be a comic—his primary job was working as an immigrant-rights organizer. So he was surprised—and pleased—when his standup career took off.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   46:02

GP comment:  Yep, funny man.

Original Show Pub Date: 21.Apr.2014

CATEGORY:  FUN — 21.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good On The Media

Robot Humor — We often think of robots as tools to make our lives easier. But what if they could also make our lives funnier? Part A discusses the difference in joke-telling styles between robots and humans. In Part B, comedian Myq Kaplan, co-author of The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny, talks about joke-generating bots and the principles of humor.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   6:07
Go to page  |  Download/listen   8:01

GP comment:  Why did the robot cross the road? To get to the humorously illogical non sequiter on the other side.

Original Show Pub Date: 18.Apr.2014

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TODAY IN DETENTION, "FUNNY SCHOOL VIOLENCE"

Is school violence funny? Not really! But some of us were born to find the funny lining in every dark cloud, so here is some more funny stuff about school and violence therein. Funny audio from The Onion:
(1) Bully Sidekick Gets Spin-Off Beating Deal
(2) Nation's Substitute Teachers Would Like To Know Who Threw That

Or see more ...
Funny Animations, Videos and Audio

 

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Steven Wright DVDs & CDs

   

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