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FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES, COLLEGE FUNNY QUOTES, FUNNY COLLEGE LIFE QUOTES

FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES

 
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Funny College Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think."

Elbert Hubbard

"Colleges don't make fools, they only develop them."

George Lorimer

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

Woody Allen

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain

"Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."

G. B. Trudeau

"I noticed that almost everyone I went to college with has worked at something other than the subject they majored in. I guess that's one of the reasons for campus unrest."

Kent McCord

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."

Bruce Lee

"Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates."

A. Lawrence Lowell

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

Bill Vaughn

"Definition of a College professor: someone who talks in other people's sleep."

W. H. Auden

"Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum."

Simon Wilder, character in With Honors

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."

Desmond Bagley


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College Funny Quotes . . .
FUNNY BUT SAD

"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."

R.S. Ingersoll

"Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles."

Paul Fussell

"I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."

Dave Barry

"The perfect going-away gift for a college student-athlete. A dictionary."

Dave Anderson

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

Clive James

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States."

George W. Bush


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Funny College Life Quotes . . .
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT COLLEGE LIFE

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

David Wood

"A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone."

Craig Kilborn

 

Funny College Quote . . .
MORE CLEVER THAN FUNNY

"Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or because they didn't."

L. L. Henderson

"Colleges typically did not tell you that ninety percent of your education came after you hung the parchment on the wall. People might ask for a rebate."

Tom Clancy

"College is a refuge from hasty judgment."

Robert Frost

 

College Funny Quotes . . .
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers

"If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library."

Frank Zappa

"My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

Emo Philips

 

Funny College Quotes
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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

So, you think you know stuff, Mr. College Dude (or Dudette)? Then try taking this energy quiz...

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FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTE

If you know of a funny college quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 09.AUG.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

"President O'Bombing"—US Airstrikes Begin Anew in Iraq — US military aircraft carried out airstrikes in northern Iraq in an attempt to halt sweeping advances by ISIS. Phyllis Bennis, a fellow at the Institute for Policy Studies, discusses the situation.
Watch  |  Download/listen   19:23

GP comment:  Beyond Amy Goodman's priceless "President O'Bombing" slip, this clip is pretty good because the guest puts the latest US insanity in context.

Original Show Pub Date: 08.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, MEDIA — 14.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

The Impact of WikiLeaks' Nearly 8 Million Released Documents — Julian Assange reviews of some of the important shifts that have happed as a result of Wikileaks and similar reporting efforts, including the Collateral Murder video, the US decision to leave Afghanistan, and corrupt influence practices by the US in other countries. He also explains why the new supposedly independent media outlet "The Intercept" may prove to be limited by its elite ownership.
Watch  |  Download/listen   16:51

GP comment:  Assange makes an interesting point that the de facto circumstances of his embassy environs, as limited by the threat of arrest if he leaves the building, do not even meet the international standard for fresh air and light for POWs.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 24.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Keiser Report

Sub-Prime Car Loans and the Next Bubble — Max Keiser and Stacy Herbert discuss the emergence of a building bubble in the car loan market. It's a new subprime loan scam that will end in heartache for unqualified borrowers, bank-bailout taxes for the rest of us when the rescue packages get forced on us, and more bonuses for the clever banksters who keep coming up with these schemes.
Watch  |  Download/listen   12:25

GP comment:  In the collapse of the subprime housing bubble, the media aimed the blame at unqualified borrowers. That was ridiculous—whether unlucky, stupid, or greedy, those borrowers took their lumps by losing their houses. The banks, on the other hand, did not take their lumps—the richie riches got a bailout. Will it be the same when the car loan bubble bursts?

Original Show Pub Date: 22.Jul.2014

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book cover for Plebes: The Cartoon Guide For College Guys, by L. T. Horton, 7/26/2001; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

Plebes:
The Cartoon Guide
For College Guys

This book is silly, stupid, and in-your-face—just like the college boys it lampoons. This, the first-ever compendium of the popular strip from The Onion, is a hilarious assault on the moronic, vulgar behavior often exhibited by beer-swilling, girl-ogling college males. The strip's mocking self-help themes offer "guidance" on topics ranging from "Turning Your Dormitory Into a Lucrative Real Estate Investment" to "Turn Your Beer-Commercial Fantasy Into Reality." Irreverent, sometimes controversial humor for college students and grads everywhere.

   

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