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FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES, COLLEGE FUNNY QUOTES, FUNNY COLLEGE LIFE QUOTES

FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES

 
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Funny College Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think."

Elbert Hubbard

"Colleges don't make fools, they only develop them."

George Lorimer

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

Woody Allen

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain

"Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."

G. B. Trudeau

"I noticed that almost everyone I went to college with has worked at something other than the subject they majored in. I guess that's one of the reasons for campus unrest."

Kent McCord

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."

Bruce Lee

"Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates."

A. Lawrence Lowell

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

Bill Vaughn

"Definition of a College professor: someone who talks in other people's sleep."

W. H. Auden

"Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum."

Simon Wilder, character in With Honors

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."

Desmond Bagley


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College Funny Quotes . . .
FUNNY BUT SAD

"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."

R.S. Ingersoll

"Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles."

Paul Fussell

"I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."

Dave Barry

"The perfect going-away gift for a college student-athlete. A dictionary."

Dave Anderson

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

Clive James

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States."

George W. Bush


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Funny College Life Quotes . . .
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT COLLEGE LIFE

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

David Wood

"A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone."

Craig Kilborn

 

Funny College Quote . . .
MORE CLEVER THAN FUNNY

"Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or because they didn't."

L. L. Henderson

"Colleges typically did not tell you that ninety percent of your education came after you hung the parchment on the wall. People might ask for a rebate."

Tom Clancy

"College is a refuge from hasty judgment."

Robert Frost

 

College Funny Quotes . . .
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers

"If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library."

Frank Zappa

"My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

Emo Philips

 

Funny College Quotes
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So, you think you know stuff, Mr. College Dude (or Dudette)? Then try taking this energy quiz...

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If you know of a funny college quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 01.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Washington Journal

Richard Gage of Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth on C-SPAN — Richard Gage, founder of the group Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth discusses their evidence that Building 7 was destroyed by controlled demolition on September 11th. The group is calling for an open investigation into the science and facts of 9/11. Topics include: why modern skyscrapers with high-stgrength steel supports cannot collapse in free fall without controlled demolition; refutation of various claims by NIST in their analysis (cover-up); and evidence for use of the high-tech demolition explosive thermite.
Watch  |  Download/listen A   39:41

GP comment:  Excellent that this got on C-SPAN. The 9/11 crime is similar to the JFK murder—if left unsolved, it will be another huge helping of impugnity for the corrupt cabal that runs things, which will ultimately lead to true totalitarianism.

Original Show Pub Date: 01.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 11.AUG.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Corbett Report

Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve — War. Poverty. Revolution. They all hinge on economics. And economics rests on one key concept: money. But what is money? How is it created? Who controls it? It is remarkable that, given its central importance in our lives, not one person in a hundred can answer such basic questions about money. James Corbett's new documentary, Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve, endeavors to enlighten the public on the machinations of the banksters over the last few centuries, culminating in 1913 in the creation of their main tool, the Federal Reserve.
Watch  |  Download/listen   1:29:57

GP comment:  Corbett is clear, cogent, and well researched on the topic. His film is not quite as engaging as The Money Masters, though it is more up-to-date.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 22.AUG.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen C-Realm Podcast

Futures Near and Far — KMO speaks with "military science fiction" novelist Linda Nagata. The themes include eroding civil liberties; cybernetics and nanotechnology; the growing power of defense contractors; and the coercions of empire. As an example of the interstection of fiction and reality, the soldiers in Nagata's novel The Bohr Maker wear powered exoskeletons, which are more advanced versions of systems actually in development by Lockheed Martin.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:55

GP comment:  Insect-bots and super-soldiers and Big Brother cops, oh my! Unfortunately, we are already part-way there.

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Aug.2014

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book cover for Plebes: The Cartoon Guide For College Guys, by L. T. Horton, 7/26/2001; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

Plebes:
The Cartoon Guide
For College Guys

This book is silly, stupid, and in-your-face—just like the college boys it lampoons. This, the first-ever compendium of the popular strip from The Onion, is a hilarious assault on the moronic, vulgar behavior often exhibited by beer-swilling, girl-ogling college males. The strip's mocking self-help themes offer "guidance" on topics ranging from "Turning Your Dormitory Into a Lucrative Real Estate Investment" to "Turn Your Beer-Commercial Fantasy Into Reality." Irreverent, sometimes controversial humor for college students and grads everywhere.

   

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