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FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES, COLLEGE FUNNY QUOTES, FUNNY COLLEGE LIFE QUOTES

FUNNY COLLEGE QUOTES

 
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Funny College Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think."

Elbert Hubbard

"Colleges don't make fools, they only develop them."

George Lorimer

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

Woody Allen

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain

"Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."

G. B. Trudeau

"I noticed that almost everyone I went to college with has worked at something other than the subject they majored in. I guess that's one of the reasons for campus unrest."

Kent McCord

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."

Bruce Lee

"Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates."

A. Lawrence Lowell

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

Bill Vaughn

"Definition of a College professor: someone who talks in other people's sleep."

W. H. Auden

"Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum."

Simon Wilder, character in With Honors

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."

Desmond Bagley


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College Funny Quotes . . .
FUNNY BUT SAD

"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."

R.S. Ingersoll

"Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles."

Paul Fussell

"I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."

Dave Barry

"The perfect going-away gift for a college student-athlete. A dictionary."

Dave Anderson

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

Clive James

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States."

George W. Bush


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Funny College Life Quotes . . .
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT COLLEGE LIFE

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

David Wood

"A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone."

Craig Kilborn

 

Funny College Quote . . .
MORE CLEVER THAN FUNNY

"Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or because they didn't."

L. L. Henderson

"Colleges typically did not tell you that ninety percent of your education came after you hung the parchment on the wall. People might ask for a rebate."

Tom Clancy

"College is a refuge from hasty judgment."

Robert Frost

 

College Funny Quotes . . .
FROM THE BLEACHERS

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

Will Rogers

"If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library."

Frank Zappa

"My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

Emo Philips

 

Funny College Quotes
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If you know of a funny college quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION

CATEGORY:  HISTORY, FINANCIAL — 14.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Peak Prosperity

Either We Break the Bankster Alliances or They Will Break Us — Nomi Prins reviews the historical circumstances that led to the formation of the big-bank-controlled Federal Reserve; that is, how the financial foxes were put in charge of the public's hen house. She then explains how many rich US elites in the late 1800s/early 1900s thought that keeping money flowing and not being too draconian helped the masses, which in turn helped the elites maintain the system that provided the wealth. But some bankers were not of a mind to play the game this way, and Louis Brandeis warned: "We must break the Money Trust or the Money Trust will break us." Nomi Prins says we are headed into a new era of high banker mischief, vast income gaps, and reckless behavior among leaders and elites. She says we must take heed of Brandeis' warning and take down the banker-corporate-politician-industrial complex.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   52:45

GP comment:  I have passed on a couple of Prins interviews earlier this year, but here she is starting to step outside the envelope and address the bankster power structure as the criminal enterprise that it truly is.

Original Show Pub Date: 31.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE — 13.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

Endless War, Endless War Spin — As Obama talks about a new major cycle of the war on terror—this time against the Islamic State—Norman Solomon of the Institute for Public Accuracy says Obama talks about not being interested in "endless war" but is doing more than any previous president to engage the US in exactly that. Solomon also says Brain Williams' worst lies about war were not his exaggerations of his personal experiences reporting from danger zones but rather his parroting the war propaganda of both the Bush and Obama administrations and his failure to challenge any aspect of the corrupt endless-war agenda. Of course, all the big names in media did the same. Finally, Solomon talks about the case of CIA whistleblower Jeffrey Sterling, who has been persecuted for exposing a dodgy CIA operation to the Senate Intelligence Committee.
Watch A  |  Watch B  |  Watch C
Download/listen   17:18

GP comment:  Solomon is very good here. The title of his book gives some indication of his tone: War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death.

Original Show Pub Date: 12.Feb.2015 ~~ Original story titles ... Endless War? Obama Sends Congress Expansive Anti-ISIS Measure 6 Months After Bombing Began ~~ Brian Williams Suspended for False Iraq Tale, But Media's Real Scandal is the War Lies Spun Daily ~~ Was Jeffrey Sterling Trial a Gov't Effort to Divide Investigative Journalists & Whistleblowers?

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 11.FEB.2015

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Uprising

Understanding the Roots of Terrorism—Theirs and Ours — Much of President Obama's record-breaking defense budget proposal will fund proxy wars around the globe. The US is training and arming Sunni tribal groups in Iraq to fight ISIS, and it may soon begin supplying weapons to the Ukrainian military against Russia. Drone strikes continue to take their toll in Yemen and elsewhere. Meanwhile, a jingoistic film called ĎAmerican Sniperí glorifies killing and demonizes Muslims with virtually no historical context. Chris Hedges says most Americans accept the myth of American rightness and do-goodism while ignoring the obvious parallels in the terrorism practiced by the US and the terrorism practiced by ISIS and their ilk. He says the empire is not only busy abroad but is also quietly pre-positioning suppressive-force capabilities on the home front, in preparation for the inevitable pushback from the masses as their impoverishment worsens.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   27:32

GP comment:  Many excellent points in this one.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Feb.2015

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book cover for Plebes: The Cartoon Guide For College Guys, by L. T. Horton, 7/26/2001; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

Plebes:
The Cartoon Guide
For College Guys

This book is silly, stupid, and in-your-face—just like the college boys it lampoons. This, the first-ever compendium of the popular strip from The Onion, is a hilarious assault on the moronic, vulgar behavior often exhibited by beer-swilling, girl-ogling college males. The strip's mocking self-help themes offer "guidance" on topics ranging from "Turning Your Dormitory Into a Lucrative Real Estate Investment" to "Turn Your Beer-Commercial Fantasy Into Reality." Irreverent, sometimes controversial humor for college students and grads everywhere.

   

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