"To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler—and less trouble."

— Mark Twain

"I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally."

— Calvin Trillin

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."

— Woody Allen

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."

— Louis-Hector Berlioz

"If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure."

— Bill Gates

"Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years."

— Gracie Allen

"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day."

— Jay Mohr

"As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools."

— Unknown

"We need excellence in public education and if the teachers can't do it, we'll send in a couple of policemen."

— Frank Rizzo

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

— Dan Quayle

"The teacher should make a concerted effort never to lose his temper in the presence of the class. If a man, he may take refuge in profane soliloquies. If a woman, she may follow the example of one sweet-faced tranquil girl who went out in the yard and gnawed a post."

— William Lyon Phelps

"I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs."

— Don Herold

"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."

— Flannery O'Connor

"If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do [things], then YOU DESERVE IT."

— Frank Zappa

"One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging about the streets idly, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries."

— Robertson Davies

"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

— Henry Youngman

"Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills."

— Minna Thomas Antrim

"The 2 rules of Judo training: 1) the teacher is always right and 2) when you think the teacher is wrong, refer to rule one."

— Unknown