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FUNNY SCIENCE QUOTES, FUNNY SCIENCE QUOTATIONS, HUMOROUS SCIENTIFIC QUOTES

FUNNY SCIENCE QUOTES

 
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Funny Science Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming."

Werner von Braun

"If I could remember the names of all these particles, I'd be a botanist."

Albert Einstein

"Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions."

Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary

"Torture numbers, and they'll confess to anything."

Greg Easterbrook

"If your result needs a statistician then you should design a better experiment."

Ernest Rutherford

"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."

Steven Wright

"Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month."

Wernher von Braun

"The Union of Concerned Scientists says the Bush administration manipulates and suppresses science. The administration points out that the Union of Bought and Paid for Scientists disagrees."

fark.com

"No one should approach the temple of science with the soul of a money changer."

Thomas Browne (1605-82), English physician and writer

"Should we force science down the throats of those that have no taste for it? Is it our duty to drag them kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century ? I am afraid that it is."

George Porter (1920- ), British chemist


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Funny Sceince Quotes . . .
SORT OF ABOUT SCIENCE

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it."

Stephen Leacock

"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"

Kelvin Throop III

"When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it."

Bernard Bailey

"Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality?"

Scott Adams (Dilbert)

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

Albert Einstein


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Funny Scientific Quotes . . .
FUNNY AND SCARY AT THE SAME TIME

"Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment."

R. Buckminster Fuller

"There comes a time when every scientist, even God, has to write off an experiment."

P. D. James

"The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry, and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers."

Lewis Thomas

"Before a war, military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war, it seems more like astrology."

Rebecca West

"The function of science fiction is not always to predict the future but sometimes to prevent it."

Frank Herbert, author of Dune

"Science in the modern world has many uses; its chief use, however, is to provide long words to cover the errors of the rich."

G. K. Chesterton

"We have lost the art of living, and in the most important science of all, the science of daily life, the science of behavior, we are complete ignoramuses. We have psychology instead."

D.H. Lawrence

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

Albert Einstein

"The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering."

Doctor Who

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Funny Science Quotes . . .
CLEVER BUT NOT EXACTLY FUNNY

"The farther the experiment is from theory, the closer it is to the Nobel Prize."

Frederic Joliot-Curie

"The essence of science: ask an impertinent question, and you are on the way to a pertinent answer."

Jacob Bronowski

"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."

Albert Einstein

"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes."

E. W. Dijkstra

"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof."

Ashley Montague

"The great tragedy of Science: the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact."

Thomas H. Huxley

"I didn't think; I experimented."

Anthony Burgess

"Shall I refuse my dinner because I do not fully understand the process of digestion?"

Oliver Heaviside, English physicist

"There is no adequate defense, except stupidity, against the impact of a new idea."

Percy Williams Bridgman, US physicist

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge in the field of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

Albert Einstein

"Some things need to be believed to be seen."

Guy Kawasaki

 

Funny Science Quotes
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If you know of a funny scientific quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

CATEGORY:  HEALTH, ENVIRONMENT — 10.JAN.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Uprising

Cancer—Environmental Factors and Genetics vs. Plain Ol' Bad Luck — A new study has found that 22 types of cancer are the result of sheer bad luck, blaming the cancers largely on random mistakes in tissue-specific stem cells and stating that the cancers arise in a manner unrelated to genetic or environmental factors. Julia Brody of the Silent Spring Institute offers a countering opinion, noting that a different team looked at exactly the same data and concluded that only 10% of cancers were attributable to random bad luck.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   12:28

GP comment:  This is a pretty tepid report, but the takeaway should be that the defenders of corporations' toxic products and processes now have a study to point to and say, "see, no problem" ... which no doubt was the intention of whoever funded that particular data analysis. As Mark Twain cautioned, there are lies, damn lies, and statistics.

Original Show Pub Date: 07.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: The Science of Health: Silent Spring Inst. Cautions Against New Cancer Study

CATEGORY:  ENVIRONMENT — 16.DEC.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Radio EcoShock

Catastrophic Failure of the Planet—Satire or SITREP? — Joseph D'Lacey writes eco-apocalyptic/horror fiction as a way of exploring the way in which the human condition is broken. Here he discusses his fictional post-apocalypse books, which include the Black Dawn series, which extrapolates from our real-life era when corporations are literally sucking the earth dry of its high quality resources; and Meat, where a combination of powerful corporations and organized religion completely control the food supply, with living standards for animal welfare and human rights falling by the wayside. ~~ Then Stanford's Mary Kang explains the data on leaking methane from abandoned gas wells. ~~ A clip from the fictional show "The Newsroom" has an EPA scientist going non-linear, predicting absolute climate doom, with no possibility of escape. Real-life climate scientist Michael Mann gives his take on our climate prospects.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:00

GP comment:  Given humans' demonstrated inability to elevate their actions above their parochial interests, I think the "we're screwed" conclusion of the fictional EPA official will prove more likely than the hopium-based "we can still take meaningful action" assertion expressed by Michael Mann. That said, Alex Smith does a nice job at the end mediating the two extremes and adding more scientific—and psychological—context.

Original Show Pub Date: 10.Dec.2014 ~~ Original story title: Eco Horror ... Is "The Newsroom" Climate Doom for Real?

CATEGORY:  ENVIRONMENT, SPECIES — 23.OCT.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Resistance Radio

Has Capitalism Captured the Environmental Movement? — Tom Butler of the Northeast Wilderness Trust talks with Derrick Jensen about the problematic trend among mainstream environmental groups trying to steer capitalism in a better direction. The problem with that approach is that capitalists, when push comes to shove, will always prioritize corporate profits over natural preservation. Even more troubling is the shift in the framing of environmental issues, where the comfort, convenience, and continuation of modern life is a given, and any sacrifice along those lines to preserve species or protect the biosphere is not even up for discussion.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   50:59

GP comment:  This is a good talk, though the general tack is that this problem is mostly one of evil corporatists, venal politicians, and a lackey media. There are those aspects, for sure, but the general populace has fully embraced the benefits of modern industrial society, regardless of the environmental costs, and the gains in comfort and convenience will not be given up willingly, no matter how right the goals.

Original Show Pub Date: 19.Oct.2014

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