FUNNY EDUCATION QUOTES

"Crooked by nature is never made straight by education."

— Italian Proverb

"Education is when you read the find print; experience is what you get when you don't."

— Pete Seeger

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

— Woody Allen

"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."

— Evan Esar

"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil."

— C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

— Groucho Marx

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."

— Bill Cosby

"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."

— Jeff Foxworthy

"In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest and affection, otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books."

— Michel de Montaigne

"The United States of America has more monolingual experts on bilingual education than any other country in the world."

— Roberto Bahruth, "Perspectives on Teaching English Language"

"My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'"

— Ken Dodd

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."

— Will Rogers

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."

— Phyllis Diller

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

— John Mendosa

But to go to school in a summer morn,
Oh, it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day—
In sighing and dismay.

— William Blake, "The Schoolboy"

"The only educational aspect of television is that it puts the repair man's kids through college."

— Joan Welsh

"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."

— Dennis Miller

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."

— John Dryden, from The Hind And The Panther

"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving."

— Russell Green

"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it."

— Stephen Vizinczey, from An Innocent Millionaire

"Education: the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent."

— John Maynard Keynes

"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."

— Mark Twain, from "Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation"

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

— Mark Twain

"Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence."

— Albert E. Wiggam

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How much a dunce that has been sent to roam
Excels a dunce that has been kept at home.

— William Cowper, from The Progress of Error

"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only that the cat died nobly."

— Arnold Edinborough

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

— Mark Twain, from Pudd'nhead Wilson

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!"

— Andy McIntyre

"Shortchange your education now and you may be short of change the rest of your life."

— Unknown

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

— Bill Vaughn

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From George Lopez

Carmen: "I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away."

From Kitchen Confidential

Jack Bourdain: "Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Viola: "I sent him out here to stay out of trouble and get a good education, but ... Back home, Will did his homework, mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, and cleared the table.... From what I see [here], all he's learning is how to be a rich kid."

From The New Adventures of Old Christine

Christine:
"We agreed that Richie would get his spiritual education at home."

Richard:
"Watching Touched by an Angel is not a spiritual education."

From The Office

Dwight Schrute: "In the Schrute family, we believe in the five fingered intervention: awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching."

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From The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)

Marlene Craven: "You have a Harvard education, make something up!"

From Gothika (2003)

Pete: "All that education, but you can't remember an umbrella?"

From
"Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000)

Mr. Lowelle: "Hello gang, welcome to Sex Education. If you aren't registered for this course or are a Southern Baptist, you're in the wrong room."

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