"Crooked by nature is never made straight by education."
"Education is when you read the find print; experience is what you get when you don't."
"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."
"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil."
"I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."
"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."
"In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest and affection, otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books."
"The United States of America has more monolingual experts on bilingual education than any other country in the world."
"My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'"
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
But to go to school in a summer morn,
Oh, it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day—
In sighing and dismay.
"The only educational aspect of television is that it puts the repair man's kids through college."