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FUNNY EDUCATION QUOTES

Enjoy these funny education quotes. It requires no learning; quote us on it: there will be no quiz!

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Funny Education Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Crooked by nature is never made straight by education."

Italian Proverb

"Education is when you read the find print; experience is what you get when you don't."

Pete Seeger

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

Woody Allen

"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."

Evan Esar

"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil."

C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

Groucho Marx

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."

Bill Cosby

"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."

Jeff Foxworthy

"In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest and affection, otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books."

Michel de Montaigne

"The United States of America has more monolingual experts on bilingual education than any other country in the world."

Roberto Bahruth, "Perspectives on Teaching English Language"

"My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'"

Ken Dodd

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."

Will Rogers

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."

Phyllis Diller

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

John Mendosa

cover for The Portable Blake; includes the poem 'The Schoolboy' But to go to school in a summer morn,
Oh, it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day—
In sighing and dismay.

William Blake, "The Schoolboy"

"The only educational aspect of television is that it puts the repair man's kids through college."

Joan Welsh


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Funny ...
INSULT QUOTES ABOUT EDUCATION

"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."

Dennis Miller

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."

John Dryden, from The Hind And The Panther

"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving."

Russell Green

"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it."

Stephen Vizinczey, from An Innocent Millionaire

"Education: the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent."

John Maynard Keynes

Mark Twain, linked book contains the essay Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation; opens in new window "Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."

Mark Twain, from "Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation"

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

Mark Twain

"Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence."

Albert E. Wiggam

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Funny ...
POSITIVE QUOTES ABOUT EDUCATION

How much a dunce that has been sent to roam
Excels a dunce that has been kept at home.

William Cowper, from The Progress of Error

"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only that the cat died nobly."

Arnold Edinborough

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain, from Pudd'nhead Wilson

 
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Funny Quotes About ...
EDUCATION COSTS

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!"

Andy McIntyre

"Shortchange your education now and you may be short of change the rest of your life."

Unknown

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

Bill Vaughn

 

Funny Education Quotes ...
FROM TELEVISION

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Carmen in red dress, from George Lopez; click to see DVDs on Amazon.com; opens in new window From George Lopez

Carmen: "I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away."

From Kitchen Confidential

Jack Bourdain: "Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Viola: "I sent him out here to stay out of trouble and get a good education, but ... Back home, Will did his homework, mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, and cleared the table.... From what I see [here], all he's learning is how to be a rich kid."

From The New Adventures of Old Christine

Christine and Richard Christine:
"We agreed that Richie would get his spiritual education at home."

Richard:
"Watching Touched by an Angel is not a spiritual education."

From The Office

Dwight Schrute: "In the Schrute family, we believe in the five fingered intervention: awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching."

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Funny Education Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES

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From The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)

Marlene Craven: "You have a Harvard education, make something up!"

From Gothika (2003)

Pete: "All that education, but you can't remember an umbrella?"

From
"Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth
(2000)

Mr. Lowelle: "Hello gang, welcome to Sex Education. If you aren't registered for this course or are a Southern Baptist, you're in the wrong room."

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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

Waste-Free Lunches (for School) article link; thumb of school girl with lunchbox DISSING OLD BAGS OTHER THAN THE LUNCH LADY
Talking trash in school is part of the educational experience, but your kids' meals there don't have to be trashy. Check out Grinning Planet's feature article on how you can pack healthier, waste-free lunches ...



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If you know of a funny education quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
EDUCATION & COMMUNICATIONS

CATEGORY:  PRIVACY — 30.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

Global Stop-and-Frisk Program + Mass US Surveillance Targeting Journalists and Lawyers — (A) The Obama administration has expanded the national terrorist watchlist system by approving broad guidelines on who can be targeted. A leaked copy reveals that to be deemed a "terrorist" target, "irrefutable evidence or concrete facts are not necessary." ~~ (B) In a new report, Human Rights Watch and the ACLU warn that government surveillance is crippling US-based journalists and lawyers in their work. Sources are afraid of talking to reporters, as aggressive prosecutions scare government officials into staying silent, even about unclassified issues. Government surveillance is also forcing lawyers to take extraordinary measures to try to protect their clients' right to privacy.
Watch A  |  Download/listen A/B   26:57
Watch B

GP comment:  Curtain descending, people.

Original Show Pub Date: 29.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, MEDIA — 30.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Lifeboat Hour

Abby Martin on Western Media Self-Censorship — Carolyn Baker interviews the savvy RT anchor Abby Martin. Topics include Ukraine and Martin's outspoken stance on the forces of empire; the mainstream news bias on the Israeli bombing of Gaza; and broader media issues. She points out that Western mainstream outlets do not need to be censored by the corp-gov state—they censor themselves.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   58:30

GP comment:  Martin speaks intelligently on these topics.

Original Show Pub Date: 27.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, MEDIA — 28.JUL.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen On The Media

Silliness and Moral Indignation — How can topical comedians like Jon Stewart, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert make us laugh at politically hot topics we would not normally discuss in polite company? They do it by combining silliness and moral indignation.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   6:22

GP comment:  Yes, but it's sad that people who can only be nudged by such an approach are still always stuck in their overall limiting framework of thinking.

Original Show Pub Date: 25.Jul.2014

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