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"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
— Billy Sunday
"The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion."
— Fred Allen
"Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs."
— Fred Allen
"Too many church services start at eleven sharp and end at twelve dull."
— Vance Havner
"Most people have some sort of religion—at least they know which church they're staying away from."
— John Erskine
"If money is the root of all evil, why are churches always begging for it?"
— Anonymous
"I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on."
— Steve Martin, from his bit "What I Believe"
"The church is near but the road is icy;
The bar is far away but I will walk carefully."
— Russian proverb
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
— Fred Allen
"I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?"
— Rev. Denny Brake
Where's the church?
Who took the steeple?
Religion's in the hands
Of some crazy-ass people—
Television preachers
With bad hair and dimples!
The God's honest truth is
It's not that simple!
— Jimmy Buffett, from the song "Fruitcakes"
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