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"I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it."
— Gary Shandling
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"Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she's dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, 'Which one, Hades?' "
— Regina Barreca
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"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows."
— Monica Piper
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"When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!' "
— Steven Wright
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"I date this girl for two years—and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name...' "
— Mike Binder
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Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
— Mike Binder
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"Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer."
— Rita Mae Brown
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
— Jerry Seinfeld
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"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible."
— Andy Warhol
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"My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away."
— Jenny McCarthy
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"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
— Woody Allen
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