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FUNNY NEW YEAR QUOTES

Cheers! In the funny new year, quote your favorite humorists.

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
GENERAL

"An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves."

Bill Vaughan

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."

P. J. O'Rourke

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."

Bill Vaughn

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."

Jay Leno


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New Year - Funny Quotes ...
FUNNY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS/QUOTES

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."

James Agate

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

Jay Leno

"A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden."

Mexican Proverb

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving Hell with them as usual."

Mark Twain

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

Anonymous


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Funny New Years Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

jerry and kramer close up From Seinfeld

Jerry: "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!"

Kramer: "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Hilary: "I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter."

ralph and alice cramden From The Honeymooners

Ralph: "Short visit? Ha! You know what her short visits are. Like the last time she came for a short visit, just for the holidays, Christmas and New Year's. The only trouble is, she came New Year's and stayed 'til Christmas!"

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
HARD-BOILED

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

Ogden Nash

"It was a decent New Year's, but it took a million officers to make it so."

Zane Grey

"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears."

W.H. Auden

"My first word for the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen."

Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World



 

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The Resilient Household article link; thumb of resilient household graphic FIRE JUSTIN TIME, HIRE JUSTIN CASE
Most new year's resolutions focus on diet and health. Good idea, but we recommend a more ambitious undertaking: The Resilient Household

Funny New Year Quotes
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If you know of a funny new year quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
THE BETTER-INFO RESOLUTION

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, FINANCIAL, COLLAPSE — 05.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! ExtraEnvironmentalist

Falling Empires — John Michael Greer offers a superb summary of the US as an empire, covering important topics such as .... the US as the first empire that does not call itself one; empire as a means of extracting wealth from outside the empire and transferring it inside the empire; the role of energy in the development of the US empire; the doubletalk of empire; how empires transition to oligarchies and ultimately end; why a new constitutional convention as a path to reclaiming democracy might backfire. ~~ Then Chris Martenson talks about the financial system as the most likely sector to have an empire-threatening catastrophe.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   2:06:35

GP comment:  I have a few minor differences with both Greer and Martenson, but overall, they present a clear and coherent picture of empire and inevitable collapse. Greer may turn out to be right that no one is in charge of the crazy train, but I doubt it. There's too much at stake for those who covet money and power, and the rest of us are mostly just trying to survive our little lives.

Original Show Pub Date: 02.Sep.2014

CATEGORY:  AGRICULTURE — 03.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Agroinnovations Podcast

Small-Scale Sustainable Agriculture—$90K per Acre, or Heartache By the Numbers? — Dr. Joe Kovach of Ohio State University describes a small-scale mixed fruit-vegetable polyculture designed to produce steady, high-yields with a good economic return on investment. Labor inputs, pest pressures, weed control, crop selection, retail sales, and marketing are all discussed in some detail. ~~ In part 2, Frank Aragona shares several articles that depict small-scale sustainable agriculture as a financial struggle, even for those with abundant capital and land resources. With story after story of small-scale sustainable producers struggling to make ends meet, he explores whether the permaculture movement is a failure on socio-economic grounds. Some suggestions for moving forward are offered.
Go to page A  |  Download/listen A   42:20
Go to page B  |  Download/listen B   34:43

GP comment:  Both clips are very insightful for anyone who is contemplating small-scale organic growing—or is already trying to make it work.

Original Show Pub Date: 18.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  CLIMATE, COLLAPSE — 24.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Radio Ecoshock

Near-Term Climate-Driven Human Extinction—Or Not — In the first clip, conservation biologist Guy McPherson lays out his case that runaway feedback mechanisms have already been tripped and will alter the climate so significantly that humans will be unable to survive—and we'll be toast within just a few decades. Psychologist Carolyn Baker agrees and offers tips on how to live a happy life in the meantime. ~~ In part two, environmental writer Scott K. Johnson says it ain't so, that McPherson cherry picks data and extrapolates in inappropriate ways. Podcaster KMO, an excellent deep-thinker on collapse issues, says McPherson seems to be trying to make the data fit his foregone conclusions. Just as "collapse from peak oil" has not happened as precipitously as many predicted, so neither is "collapse from climate chaos" likely to drive human extinction in our lifetimes.
Go to page A  |  Download/listen A   1:00:00
Go to page B  |  Download/listen B   1:00:00

GP comment:  I agree that McPherson is likely overstating the case, though there are enough possible bad climate scenarios that his message can't be discounted completely. What no one here mentioned is that no countries or politicians—and not even most of the scientists or environmentalists—are advocating the sort of radical climate action that would actually solve the problem. Climate chaos is coming, even if it's not in McPherson's timeframe.

Original Show Pub Date: 17.Sep.2014

MORE

That's just a small sampling of stories from the audio download stream on Grinning Planet. Get more audio clips on many subjects in Grinning Planet's biweekly downloadable audio news feed.

 

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book cover for This is YOUR New Year's Resolution!: A 12 Month Health Mastery Program, by Dr. D. Tim Labelle, 3/23/2007; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

This is YOUR
New Year's Resolution!

A 12-Month
Health Mastery Program

Gives you the tools necessary to ensure that you achieve a New Year's resolution that will improve the quality of your life and get the best long-standing results needed. The key is to be proactive with your health and wellness.

   
New Years Cartoon link; thumb of man looking at new years day parade WHAT WOULD YOU BE IN THE NEW YEAR'S PARADE?
New Years Cartoon
 
New Year Funny link; thumb of man's face with crazed look HEALTH TIPS FOR THE NEW YEAR
New Year Funny
 
Party Joke link; thumb of geek chef SIGNS YOU’VE HIRED A BAD CATERER
Party Joke

ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny New Year Quotes

funny new years videos link; thumb of new years collage - champagne glasses, ribbons, streamers

UNCORKING A FEW NEW YEARS’ VIDEO CHEERS

A couple of funny new year videos to toast your eyeballs. Out with the economic bubbles! In with the celebratory bubbly!  Watch funny new years videos.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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