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FUNNY NEW YEAR QUOTES

Cheers! In the funny new year, quote your favorite humorists.

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
GENERAL

"An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves."

Bill Vaughan

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."

P. J. O'Rourke

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."

Bill Vaughn

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."

Jay Leno


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New Year - Funny Quotes ...
FUNNY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS/QUOTES

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."

James Agate

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

Jay Leno

"A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden."

Mexican Proverb

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving Hell with them as usual."

Mark Twain

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

Anonymous


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Funny New Years Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

jerry and kramer close up From Seinfeld

Jerry: "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!"

Kramer: "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Hilary: "I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter."

ralph and alice cramden From The Honeymooners

Ralph: "Short visit? Ha! You know what her short visits are. Like the last time she came for a short visit, just for the holidays, Christmas and New Year's. The only trouble is, she came New Year's and stayed 'til Christmas!"

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
HARD-BOILED

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

Ogden Nash

"It was a decent New Year's, but it took a million officers to make it so."

Zane Grey

"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears."

W.H. Auden

"My first word for the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen."

Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

The Resilient Household article link; thumb of resilient household graphic FIRE JUSTIN TIME, HIRE JUSTIN CASE
Most new year's resolutions focus on diet and health. Good idea, but we recommend a more ambitious undertaking: The Resilient Household

Funny New Year Quotes
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If you know of a funny new year quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
THE BETTER-INFO RESOLUTION

CATEGORY:  ENVIRONMENT (CLIMATE) — 10.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Alternative Visions

Obama's New CO2 Rules—The Bogus Brain Behind the Happy Face — Energy analyst Steve Breyman discusses the new Obama/EPA proposal to reduce CO2 emissions from existing industrial plants in the US by 30% by 2030. Are the proposals too little, too late, and cleverly crafted to defer the pain until after Obama leaves office? Topics include the slippery climate math of fracked natural gas; the XL pipeline loophole; a backdoor approach to cap and trade; increased taxation vs. consumer rebates; the future for coal-fired power plants.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:27

GP comment:  Though most of the mainstream environmental groups are trying to put a happy face on the new carbon rules, in reality the result will be increased taxation and energy costs to consumers without solving the climate problem. The guest and host make many good points here, but they are surprisingly naive about "Obama the Hopeful" vs. "Obama the Tool of the Elites."

Original Show Pub Date: 07.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  GMOs, FOOD — 06.JUN.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! What Women Must Know

The Truth About GMOs and Your Health — Top GMO watchdog Jeffrey Smith offers a flawless review of the politics, science, and dangers of genetically modified organisms in our food supply. Topics include gut disease from GM Bt toxin and from glyphosate, the top GMO pesticide; risks for infants and children; multiple tipping points that suggest consumers are winning the battle against GMOs, despite the political clout and dirty tricks of Monsanto and the rest of the GMO specters.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   56:30

GP comment:  Must-listening for anyone who eats food.

Original Show Pub Date: 29.May.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 04.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Red Ice Radio

Paul Craig Roberts on the Crisis in Ukraine and the Geopolitical Chess Game — Paul Craig Roberts discusses the neo-cons' broad "US hegemony" war agenda—sometimes referred to as the Wolfowitz doctrine—and how the Ukraine fits into the plan. Who has been the driving force behind the illegitimate takeover of Ukraine? What is the grudge between the West’s elite and Russia about? Washington’s willingness to work with anyone, including criminals, in order to achieve their goals is right out of their standard playbook, but it speaks volumes about their determination to remain the sole global superpower. Roberts explains why he thinks the USA is losing more and more influence around the world as other countries tire of its preponderant influence.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:10:12

GP comment:  Other than the host's implied assertion that bigotry is no longer a driving force in the world and the fact that neither the host nor guest knows how to pronounce "hegemony," this is pretty good. Roberts, for a former insider, is surprisingly blunt.

Original Show Pub Date: 31.May.2014

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book cover for This is YOUR New Year's Resolution!: A 12 Month Health Mastery Program, by Dr. D. Tim Labelle, 3/23/2007; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

This is YOUR
New Year's Resolution!

A 12-Month
Health Mastery Program

Gives you the tools necessary to ensure that you achieve a New Year's resolution that will improve the quality of your life and get the best long-standing results needed. The key is to be proactive with your health and wellness.

   
New Years Cartoon link; thumb of man looking at new years day parade WHAT WOULD YOU BE IN THE NEW YEAR'S PARADE?
New Years Cartoon
 
New Year Funny link; thumb of man's face with crazed look HEALTH TIPS FOR THE NEW YEAR
New Year Funny
 
Party Joke link; thumb of geek chef SIGNS YOU’VE HIRED A BAD CATERER
Party Joke

ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny New Year Quotes

funny new years videos link; thumb of new years collage - champagne glasses, ribbons, streamers

UNCORKING A FEW NEW YEARS’ VIDEO CHEERS

A couple of funny new year videos to toast your eyeballs. Out with the economic bubbles! In with the celebratory bubbly!  Watch funny new years videos.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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