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FUNNY NEW YEAR QUOTES

Cheers! In the funny new year, quote your favorite humorists.

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
GENERAL

"An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves."

Bill Vaughan

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."

P. J. O'Rourke

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."

Bill Vaughn

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."

Jay Leno


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New Year - Funny Quotes ...
FUNNY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS/QUOTES

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."

James Agate

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

Jay Leno

"A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden."

Mexican Proverb

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving Hell with them as usual."

Mark Twain

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

Anonymous


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free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny New Years Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

jerry and kramer close up From Seinfeld

Jerry: "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!"

Kramer: "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Hilary: "I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter."

ralph and alice cramden From The Honeymooners

Ralph: "Short visit? Ha! You know what her short visits are. Like the last time she came for a short visit, just for the holidays, Christmas and New Year's. The only trouble is, she came New Year's and stayed 'til Christmas!"

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
HARD-BOILED

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

Ogden Nash

"It was a decent New Year's, but it took a million officers to make it so."

Zane Grey

"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears."

W.H. Auden

"My first word for the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen."

Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

The Resilient Household article link; thumb of resilient household graphic FIRE JUSTIN TIME, HIRE JUSTIN CASE
Most new year's resolutions focus on diet and health. Good idea, but we recommend a more ambitious undertaking: The Resilient Household

Funny New Year Quotes
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If you know of a funny new year quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
THE BETTER-INFO RESOLUTION

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 01.SEP.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Washington Journal

Richard Gage of Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth on C-SPAN — Richard Gage, founder of the group Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth discusses their evidence that Building 7 was destroyed by controlled demolition on September 11th. The group is calling for an open investigation into the science and facts of 9/11. Topics include: why modern skyscrapers with high-stgrength steel supports cannot collapse in free fall without controlled demolition; refutation of various claims by NIST in their analysis (cover-up); and evidence for use of the high-tech demolition explosive thermite.
Watch  |  Download/listen A   39:41

GP comment:  Excellent that this got on C-SPAN. The 9/11 crime is similar to the JFK murder—if left unsolved, it will be another huge helping of impugnity for the corrupt cabal that runs things, which will ultimately lead to true totalitarianism.

Original Show Pub Date: 01.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  ENERGY, ENVIRONMENT, FINANCIAL — 20.AUG.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Post Carbon Institute

Humans—Are We the Borg? ... Or Merely Delusional? — In an hour and a half, ecological economist Nate Hagens offers up a grand tour of how the human-dominated planet works, or more accurately, mis-works. It all comes down to bad programming—science shows that we humans are predisposed to making bad choices; or at least making choices that bolster short-term, selfish desires at the expense of long-term, altruistic interests. Energy, or an increasing lack thereof relative to our needs, is the hammer that will force us to recognize reality and make increasingly hard choices.
Watch  |  Download/listen   1:30:00

GP comment:  Must listening. And Hagens is kind enough to explain how we "aware humans" can navigate the seemingly impossible mission ahead.

Original Show Pub Date: 29.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 11.AUG.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Corbett Report

Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve — War. Poverty. Revolution. They all hinge on economics. And economics rests on one key concept: money. But what is money? How is it created? Who controls it? It is remarkable that, given its central importance in our lives, not one person in a hundred can answer such basic questions about money. James Corbett's new documentary, Century of Enslavement—The History of The Federal Reserve, endeavors to enlighten the public on the machinations of the banksters over the last few centuries, culminating in 1913 in the creation of their main tool, the Federal Reserve.
Watch  |  Download/listen   1:29:57

GP comment:  Corbett is clear, cogent, and well researched on the topic. His film is not quite as engaging as The Money Masters, though it is more up-to-date.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jul.2014

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book cover for This is YOUR New Year's Resolution!: A 12 Month Health Mastery Program, by Dr. D. Tim Labelle, 3/23/2007; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

This is YOUR
New Year's Resolution!

A 12-Month
Health Mastery Program

Gives you the tools necessary to ensure that you achieve a New Year's resolution that will improve the quality of your life and get the best long-standing results needed. The key is to be proactive with your health and wellness.

   
New Years Cartoon link; thumb of man looking at new years day parade WHAT WOULD YOU BE IN THE NEW YEAR'S PARADE?
New Years Cartoon
 
New Year Funny link; thumb of man's face with crazed look HEALTH TIPS FOR THE NEW YEAR
New Year Funny
 
Party Joke link; thumb of geek chef SIGNS YOU’VE HIRED A BAD CATERER
Party Joke

ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny New Year Quotes

funny new years videos link; thumb of new years collage - champagne glasses, ribbons, streamers

UNCORKING A FEW NEW YEARS’ VIDEO CHEERS

A couple of funny new year videos to toast your eyeballs. Out with the economic bubbles! In with the celebratory bubbly!  Watch funny new years videos.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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