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FUNNY VALENTINES QUOTES
This page of funny Valentine's Day quotes includes funny quotations about Valentine's Day dates, gifts, relationship expectations, and anti-Valentines quotes.
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"On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays—fear."
— Dave Barry
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
— Robert Orben
"'Valentine's Day' is just a nicer way of saying 'National Feel Bad if You're Single Day.'"
— Jordan Peters
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."
— Unknown, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain
"Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January."
— Jim Gaffigan
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"We sent out 3,000 Valentines to the ladies, asking them to be my voter."
— Terry Dill
"Happy Valentine's Day. My other invitation was to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney."
— Bill Gates
"Love is not always in the air on Valentine's Day, especially by spending time in family law court."
— Jeff Williams
From Frasier
Niles: "I've got to get a new divorce lawyer. Claude is clearly no match for Maris' team."
Daphne: "Real sharks, are they?"
Niles: "When we were courting I sent Maris a Valentine that said, 'You're the girl my heart adores, everything I have is yours.' Now they're calling it a pre-nup."
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On a display of 'I love you only' valentine cards:
'Now available in multi-packs.'
— Unknown
"I was in a band called The Valentines and they broke up last week."
— Bon Scott
"Today is Valentine's Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
— Jay Leno
"I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?"
— Jay Leno
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“ANT” ISN’T NECESSARILY THE WORST PART OF “CHOCOLATE-COVERED ANT”
Are
pesticide residues in chocolate enough to make you buy organic? The good news is, organic chocolate usually tastes better anyway, and there's plenty available!
While you're at it, keep your relationship from turning poisonous by giving organic flowers so you avoid pesticides on that lovely bouquet. Finally, check out some videos on chemicals and pesticides—that crap is everywhere!
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11.11 with Simran Singh
Addressing Health Issues with Mind-Body-Chakra Work — 03 May 2012 — The most sophisticated tests can't always find the source of a health issue, but there is one authority that always knows---your own body. "We intuitively perceive what we need for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing," explains Marie Manuchehri, a medical intuitive. "The biggest challenge for most of us is learning to trust our inner guidance." Manuchehri, a registered nurse, offers patients instructions to help them tune into your health at a deeper level.
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56:39
Living On Earth
Autism—What Portion Genetic, What Portion Environmental? — 06 Apr 2012 — New research has identified genetic risk factors for children to develop autism. But that still leaves the question of what triggers the onset. Other research suggests a correlation between exposure to chemicals and pollution.
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9:19
One Radio Network
Reactive Arthritis, Leaky Gut Syndrome, and the Cure — 09 Apr 2012 — Chronic joint pain is in some cases related to intestinal issues and food sensitivities. Barbara Allan explains how addressing these problems can completely resolve reactive arthritis and improve rheumatoid arthritis symptoms in some cases.
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52:18
Referenced book: (on Amazon.com)
-- Conquering Arthritis, by Barbara Allan
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Mark Gungor gives a funny talk on the differences between men's brains and women's brains—and how that affects the way we deal with each other. Watch funny brain video.
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