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FUNNY VALENTINES QUOTES
This page of funny Valentine's Day quotes includes funny quotations about Valentine's Day dates, gifts, relationship expectations, and anti-Valentines quotes.
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"On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays—fear."
— Dave Barry
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
— Robert Orben
"'Valentine's Day' is just a nicer way of saying 'National Feel Bad if You're Single Day.'"
— Jordan Peters
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."
— Unknown, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain
"Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January."
— Jim Gaffigan
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"We sent out 3,000 Valentines to the ladies, asking them to be my voter."
— Terry Dill
"Happy Valentine's Day. My other invitation was to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney."
— Bill Gates
"Love is not always in the air on Valentine's Day, especially by spending time in family law court."
— Jeff Williams
From Frasier
Niles: "I've got to get a new divorce lawyer. Claude is clearly no match for Maris' team."
Daphne: "Real sharks, are they?"
Niles: "When we were courting I sent Maris a Valentine that said, 'You're the girl my heart adores, everything I have is yours.' Now they're calling it a pre-nup."
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On a display of 'I love you only' valentine cards:
'Now available in multi-packs.'
— Unknown
"I was in a band called The Valentines and they broke up last week."
— Bon Scott
"Today is Valentine's Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
— Jay Leno
"I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?"
— Jay Leno
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“ANT” ISN’T NECESSARILY THE WORST PART OF “CHOCOLATE-COVERED ANT”
Are
pesticide residues in chocolate enough to make you buy organic? The good news is, organic chocolate usually tastes better anyway, and there's plenty available!
While you're at it, keep your relationship from turning poisonous by giving organic flowers so you avoid pesticides on that lovely bouquet. Finally, check out some videos on chemicals and pesticides—that crap is everywhere!
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Food Sleuth Radio
Nutritional Supplements—Are You Getting What You Pay For? —
23 May 2013 —
Tod Cooperman is president of ConsumerLab.com, an independent tester of dietary supplements. He discusses typical issues with nutritional supplements, including whether products are what they say they are, contamination with toxics, and viability and shelf life.
Go to page |
Download/Listen
28:15
Prescriptions For Health
Preventative Breast Removal, Xeno-Estrogens, Hormone-Balancing Diets —
03 Jun 2013 —
Topics include... Why is Angelina Jolie pimping preventative breast removal for the cancer industry? What should women really do for breast cancer prevention? Why you should not put anything on your skin that you would not put in your mouth. Why the xenoestrogens found in many, many products are a problem. How you can use diet to balance hormones—and the importance of hormone balance to heart disease prevention.
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Download/Listen
54:50
Political Analysis
Your Body is a Corporate Test Tube —
30 Apr 2013 —
Gerald Markowitz explains that increasingly we are each a toxic waste site, full of the chemicals and toxics used in pesticides, industrial processes, and consumer products. Many impacts to human health are already well understood, but good long-term studies are often not done—or have their results buried by corporations with a vested interest in continuing to sell toxic products. Markowitz begins with lead pollution, the coverup of evidence of its health effects, and the ultimate removal of lead from products and gasoline. But then he moves through a litany of similar situations with industrial chemicals that leave us all looking like human guinea pigs.
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Download/Listen
54:54
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Get more audio clips on health issues (and many other subjects) in Grinning Planet's biweekly
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Organic Flowers
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Organic Bouquet
Mark Gungor gives a funny talk on the differences between men's brains and women's brains—and how that affects the way we deal with each other. Watch funny brain video.
A weird-silly-funny video about why some women seem to keep getting tangled up with the same sort of man. Watch funny relationship video.
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