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FUNNY VALENTINES QUOTES
This page of funny Valentine's Day quotes includes funny quotations about Valentine's Day dates, gifts, relationship expectations, and anti-Valentines quotes.
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"On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays—fear."
— Dave Barry
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
— Robert Orben
"'Valentine's Day' is just a nicer way of saying 'National Feel Bad if You're Single Day.'"
— Jordan Peters
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."
— Unknown, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain
"Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January."
— Jim Gaffigan
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FREE AUDIO CLIPS
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"We sent out 3,000 Valentines to the ladies, asking them to be my voter."
— Terry Dill
"Happy Valentine's Day. My other invitation was to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney."
— Bill Gates
"Love is not always in the air on Valentine's Day, especially by spending time in family law court."
— Jeff Williams
From Frasier
Niles: "I've got to get a new divorce lawyer. Claude is clearly no match for Maris' team."
Daphne: "Real sharks, are they?"
Niles: "When we were courting I sent Maris a Valentine that said, 'You're the girl my heart adores, everything I have is yours.' Now they're calling it a pre-nup."
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On a display of 'I love you only' valentine cards:
'Now available in multi-packs.'
— Unknown
"I was in a band called The Valentines and they broke up last week."
— Bon Scott
"Today is Valentine's Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
— Jay Leno
"I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?"
— Jay Leno
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“ANT” ISN’T NECESSARILY THE WORST PART OF “CHOCOLATE-COVERED ANT”
Are
pesticide residues in chocolate enough to make you buy organic? The good news is, organic chocolate usually tastes better anyway, and there's plenty available!
While you're at it, keep your relationship from turning poisonous by giving organic flowers so you avoid pesticides on that lovely bouquet. Finally, check out some videos on chemicals and pesticides—that crap is everywhere!
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CATEGORY: HEALTH — 28.JAN.2015
Life Matters
Anit-Inflammatory Properties of Glycine —
Because most of us don't cook bones and cartilage into soup as previous generations did, we're missing essential nutrients, glycine among them. Dr. Joel Brind talks explains why the amino acid glycine is essential to regulating your body's inflammation. He recommends glycine supplementation, and talks about a study that suggests this can also be helpful for those facing type II diabetes.
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Download/listen
23:33
Original Show Pub Date: 14.Apr.2014
CATEGORY: FOOD, HEALTH — 24.JAN.2015
Susun Weed
Coffee—A Surprisingly Healthy Brew —
Herbalist and alternative health guru Susun Weed talks about the many benefits of coffee. There are a few potential downsides, she says, but for most people, the data overwhelmingly show that coffee and caffeine help reduce risk in just about every major disease category.
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31:41
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33:58
Original Show Pub Date: Aug.2013
CATEGORY: HEALTH — 21.JAN.2015
One Radio Network
The Skinny Gut Diet —
When it comes to digestive disorders, Brenda Watson has dedicated her career to helping people achieve lasting health through improved digestive function. Topics here include ... doing alimentary detective work; true fermented vegetables vs. canned; solutions for constipation; how gut bacteria can drive weight issues; the importance of gut microbe variety; probiotic recommendations and the "with food" vs. "away from food" question.
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1:01:58
Original Show Pub Date: 13.Jan.2015
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Organic Flowers
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Organic Bouquet
Mark Gungor gives a funny talk on the differences between men's brains and women's brains—and how that affects the way we deal with each other. Watch funny brain video.
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