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FUNNY TURKEY QUOTES

Gobble up a few funny quotes about turkey (yum!), turkeys (gobble!), and Turkey Day (I ate too much!!)

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Funny Turkey Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.' "

Mitch Hedberg

"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry—that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island."

Johnny Carson

"A turkey never voted for an early Christmas."

Irish Proverb

"I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts."

Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it."

Berke Breathed, Bloom County


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Funny QUOTES ABOUT . . .
COOKING TURKEY

"The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear."

Johnny Carson

"No more turkey, but I'd like another helping of that bread he ate."

Anonymous

"Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that 'the turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.' "

Hints from Heloise

"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before."

Rita Rudner


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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

picture of chicken carcasses hanging in a slaughterhouse Chickens and turkeys share much the same fate in today's "factory farms." It's not particularly festive reading, but any compassionate chewer of these fine feathered fowl should know the truth, so check out our article on chicken raising ...

 

Funny Turkey Quotes
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FUNNY TURKEY QUOTE

If you know of a funny turkey quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOOD & NUTRITION

CATEGORY:  FOOD, HEALTH — 07.AUG.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Diet Science

Gelatin—The Cure for Your Joints and Leaky Gut? — Dee McCaffrey discusses the benefits on consuming gelatin, explaining why it works and what types of gelatin to get. (Hint: It's not Jello, and it's not even Knox.)
Go to page  |  Download/listen   8:33

GP comment:  I tried Knox a couple times. Now I know why it didn't work.

Original Show Pub Date: 28.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD — 25.JUL.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Nutrition Diva

Vitamin E Basics — Nutrition Diva covers Vitamin E—how much do you need, what are its benefits, and what is the best way to get it.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   8:01

GP comment:  Go nuts over nuts and seeds. But read up on soaking and roasting to keep the tannins and lectins down.

Original Show Pub Date: 22.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD, AGRICULTURE — 07.JUL.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen The Lifeboat Hour

Reclaiming the Future of Food — Michael Brownlee, founder of Local Food Shift in Colorado, explains what we're not being told about our food. Topics include the unholy alliance between Big Food, Big Ag, and Big Pharma; the systematic suppression of local food options; water issues; radical climate shift and agricultural output.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   56:01

GP comment:  This is generally good, though I find it rather laughable that he promotes agriponics—a growing technology that is solidly in the "industrial agriculture" basket—as part of the solution to food sustainability.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jul.2014

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ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny Turkey Quotes

animated image of bunny with a roasted turkey; click to see video on YouTube

BUNNIES CAN'T COOK TURKEY

A very short cute animation about why your holiday dinner should not be entrusted to a bunny. From RaymanZone via YouTube. Go there

image of man's head against Family Feud scoreboard; click to see video on YouTube

FAMILY FUED TURKEY

This contestant on the British version of Family Feud has a cranium that is apparently stuff with ... turkey! Via YouTube. Go there

       
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