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FUNNY CHICKEN QUOTES

We have plucked a few funny chicken quotes from the finest feathers of this poultry-plundering planet. It's humor most fowl.

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Funny Chicken Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg."

Samuel Butler

"The chicken came first—God would look silly sitting on an egg."

Author Unknown

"What are the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them—eat a penguin."

Dave Attell

"People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately."

Oscar Wilde

"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

Henny Youngman

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.' "

Jessica Simpson

"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."

Jeff Foxworthy

"When arguing with a chicken, a grain of corn is always wrong."

African Proverb


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Funny Quotes about Chicken ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

From Roseanne

[waits on a customer]

Roseanne: "Can I help you?"

Customer: "Uh, yeah. Which is better, the tuna salad or the egg salad?"

Roseanne: "Tuna salad... egg salad... chicken salad... turkey salad... shrimp salad. What difference does it make? It's all just different words for mayonnaise. Pick one."

From 30 Rock

Tracy Jordan: "You don't have to thank me, Liz Lemon. We're a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken, and a chicken container."

From Cheers

Cliff: "Well, you know, millions believe in reincarnation."

Coach: "You mean, like when you come back as a chicken?"

Cliff: "Well, not necessarily as a chicken, Coach. The Hindus believe that what you come back as depends on your behavior in this life. You know, if you led a good life, you come back in an elevated state."

Coach: "Like Colorado!"

From Lost in Space

Robot: "Will Robinson! I will tell you a joke! Why did the robot cross the road? Because he was carbon-bonded to the chicken!"

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Chickens - Funny Quotes ...
FROM CHICKEN RUN

Chicken Run funny quote #1 barn scene from Chicken Run

Ginger: "Listen. We'll either die free chickens or we die trying."

Babs: "Are those the only choices?"

Chicken Run funny quote #2

Ginger: "Think, everyone, think. What haven't we tried yet?"

Bunty: "We haven't tried not trying to escape."

Babs: "Hmm. That might work."

Chicken Run funny quote #3

Ginger: "So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, is it?"

Babs: "It's a livin'."

Chicken Run funny quote #4

Rocky: "Now, the most important thing is, we have to work as a team, which means: you do everything I tell you."

Chicken Run funny quote #5

Rocky: "Is there a problem here?"

Ginger [rhetorically]: "Have we flown over that fence?"

Rocky: "Not quite."

Ginger: "Then there's a problem."

Chicken Run funny quote #6

Ginger: "But you're supposed to be up there - you're the pilot."

Fowler: "Don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption."

Ginger: "'Back in your day'? The Royal Air Force?"

Fowler: "644 Squadron, Poultry Division—we were the mascots."

Ginger: "You mean you never actually flew the plane?"

Fowler: "Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of a complex aircraft!"

 
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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

thumb of hog in crowded pen THE CAFOs OF MEATOPOLIS—WHAT AN (ANIMAL) WASTE
Chickens, hogs, and other farm animals today are raised on "factory farms" designed to produce meat, eggs, and dairy in ways that are most efficient and yield the best profit margin. But there are some problems... Learn more in Grinning Planet's feature article on CAFOs and Factory Farming...



Funny Chicken Quotes
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FUNNY CHICKEN QUOTE

If you know of a funny chicken quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT ANIMAL WELFARE ISSUES

CATEGORY:  SPECIES — 07.JUL.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Living on Earth

WildLeaks Set to Catch Poachers — WildLeaks is a new information-sharing platform that collects anonymous tips about wildlife poaching, illicit buying and selling of species, and illegal deforestation. Founder Andrea Crosta tells explains how WildLeaks is helping fight wildlife crime and prosecute the people involved.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   5:51

GP comment:  Good idea.

Original Show Pub Date: 04.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  SPECIES, CLIMATE — 24.JUN.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Uprising

As Ocean Acidity Rises, Will Phytoplankton Health Fall? — Microscopic ocean creatures called phytoplankton produce an astonishing 60 percent of the Earth’s oxygen and they occupy the crucial bottom rung of our world’s ocean food chain. The survival of most life on this planet depends on healthy phytoplankton. Researcher William Cochlan discusses a new study that is attempting to predict the likely impact to phytoplankton from rising CO2 and ocean acidity levels. Though results are still unfolding, it appears that some phytoplankton turn more toxic in a higher acidity environment and, in turn, harm the shellfish and other marine animals that feed on them.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   21:06

GP comment:  Ocean impact is one of the more worrying effects of humanity's continuing mismanagement of the planet.

Original Show Pub Date: 18.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  SPECIES — 19.JUN.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Quirks and Quarks

Tree Swallows Have Winter of Discontent — Many species of birds that feed on airborne insects are in decline. Not only are their numbers diminishing, but the size of the remaining birds, particularly breeding females, has also been shrinking. Dr. Sebastien Rioux Paquette has been studying one of these birds, the tree swallow, in its summer habitat in Quebec. He's found that summer forage doesn't seem to be a problem for the swallows; the issue seems to be declines in insect prey in their wintering ground in the US and Mexico. Pesticides and shrinking habitat for insects due to agricultural intensification are depleting the swallows' winter food, and the birds are suffering as a result.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   8:34

GP comment:  Industrial agriculture—hard to like from any perspective.

Original Show Pub Date: 24.May.2014

MORE

Get more audio clips on animal welfare and animal rights (and many other subjects) in Grinning Planet's biweekly downloadable audio news feed.

 

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POULETRY IN MOTION

Our fine-feathered friends—to get you clucking, we offer a clutch of funny chicken videos ... including a Law & Order parody and a great bit from Whose Line Is It Anyway...  Watch funny chicken videos.

Or see more ...
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