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FUNNY CHICKEN QUOTES

We have plucked a few funny chicken quotes from the finest feathers of this poultry-plundering planet. It's humor most fowl.

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Funny Chicken Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg."

Samuel Butler

"The chicken came first—God would look silly sitting on an egg."

Author Unknown

"What are the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them—eat a penguin."

Dave Attell

"People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately."

Oscar Wilde

"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

Henny Youngman

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.' "

Jessica Simpson

"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."

Jeff Foxworthy

"When arguing with a chicken, a grain of corn is always wrong."

African Proverb


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Funny Quotes about Chicken ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

From Roseanne

[waits on a customer]

Roseanne: "Can I help you?"

Customer: "Uh, yeah. Which is better, the tuna salad or the egg salad?"

Roseanne: "Tuna salad... egg salad... chicken salad... turkey salad... shrimp salad. What difference does it make? It's all just different words for mayonnaise. Pick one."

From 30 Rock

Tracy Jordan: "You don't have to thank me, Liz Lemon. We're a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken, and a chicken container."

From Cheers

Cliff: "Well, you know, millions believe in reincarnation."

Coach: "You mean, like when you come back as a chicken?"

Cliff: "Well, not necessarily as a chicken, Coach. The Hindus believe that what you come back as depends on your behavior in this life. You know, if you led a good life, you come back in an elevated state."

Coach: "Like Colorado!"

From Lost in Space

Robot: "Will Robinson! I will tell you a joke! Why did the robot cross the road? Because he was carbon-bonded to the chicken!"

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Chickens - Funny Quotes ...
FROM CHICKEN RUN

Chicken Run funny quote #1 barn scene from Chicken Run

Ginger: "Listen. We'll either die free chickens or we die trying."

Babs: "Are those the only choices?"

Chicken Run funny quote #2

Ginger: "Think, everyone, think. What haven't we tried yet?"

Bunty: "We haven't tried not trying to escape."

Babs: "Hmm. That might work."

Chicken Run funny quote #3

Ginger: "So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, is it?"

Babs: "It's a livin'."

Chicken Run funny quote #4

Rocky: "Now, the most important thing is, we have to work as a team, which means: you do everything I tell you."

Chicken Run funny quote #5

Rocky: "Is there a problem here?"

Ginger [rhetorically]: "Have we flown over that fence?"

Rocky: "Not quite."

Ginger: "Then there's a problem."

Chicken Run funny quote #6

Ginger: "But you're supposed to be up there - you're the pilot."

Fowler: "Don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption."

Ginger: "'Back in your day'? The Royal Air Force?"

Fowler: "644 Squadron, Poultry Division—we were the mascots."

Ginger: "You mean you never actually flew the plane?"

Fowler: "Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of a complex aircraft!"

 
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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

thumb of hog in crowded pen THE CAFOs OF MEATOPOLIS—WHAT AN (ANIMAL) WASTE
Chickens, hogs, and other farm animals today are raised on "factory farms" designed to produce meat, eggs, and dairy in ways that are most efficient and yield the best profit margin. But there are some problems... Learn more in Grinning Planet's feature article on CAFOs and Factory Farming...



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FUNNY CHICKEN QUOTE

If you know of a funny chicken quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT ANIMAL WELFARE ISSUES

CATEGORY:  ANIMAL WELFARE — 08.APR.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Living On Earth

International Court Saves Whales (?) — Japan has been hunting whales under the guise of science since a global ban nearly thirty years ago. A new ruling from the International Court of Justice may finally put an end to Japanese whaling. Duke University marine biologist Andy Read explains.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   6:35

GP comment:  We'll see. Countries (and people) have a way of continuing doing what they want to do, regardless of what others think about it.

Original Show Pub Date: 04.Apr.2014

CATEGORY:  SPECIES — 31.MAR.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Living On Earth

The Extreme Life of the Sea — Life in the ocean is a longstanding mystery to most humans. Even with modern technology, we're still learning new things about the ocean. A new book, The Extreme Life of the Sea, sheds an entertaining and informative light on some of the oceanís oldest, oddest, fiercest and strangest creatures. Coauthor and biologist Steve Palumbi discusses the work.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   11:53

GP comment:  It's a bit sad that Palumbi has to try to bring a Discovery Channel-style level of hyper-excitement to the topic to get us interested. Nonetheless, these species ARE interesting.

Original Show Pub Date: 21.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  ANIMAL WELFARE, EMPIRE — 26.MAR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

FBI Goes Non-Linear on Animal Rights Activists — Over the past decade, Ryan Shapiro has become a leading freedom of information activist, unearthing tens of thousands of once-secret documents. His work focuses on how the government infiltrates and monitors political movements, in particular those for animal and environmental rights. Today, he has around 700 Freedom of Information Act requests before the FBI, seeking around 350,000 documents. That tenacity has led the Justice Department to call him the "most prolific" requester there is and claim his dissertation research at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology would "irreparably damage national security." Shapiro discusses his methodology in obtaining government documents through FOIA requests, and the details that have emerged therein about the crackdown on animal rights activists.
Watch  |  Download/listen   16:26

GP comment:  The point here is not how you feel about animal cruelty or whether we should eat meat. The essential issue is that the government is now prosecuting minor civil-disobediance crimes with a vengance and suppressing free speech and public information when it threaten's one of their client corporation's bottom lines. Remember, fascism always creeps upon a populace slowly, starting with marginal issues and players.

Original Show Pub Date: 25.Mar.2014

MORE

Get more audio clips on animal welfare and animal rights (and many other subjects) in Grinning Planet's biweekly downloadable audio news feed.

 

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POULETRY IN MOTION

Our fine-feathered friends—to get you clucking, we offer a clutch of funny chicken videos ... including a Law & Order parody and a great bit from Whose Line Is It Anyway...  Watch funny chicken videos.

Or see more ...
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