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FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTES

What can I getcha, honey? Some funny waitress quotes? Maybe some waitress jokes on the side?

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Funny Waitress Quotes ...
GENERAL

"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."

Jane Siberry, avant garde musician
      See/hear Jane Siberry CDs and MP3s on Amazon.com

"When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress."

Gelett Burgess, Look Eleven Years Younger

"I don't love comedy but I can watch someone who's kind of interesting forever. I think a waitress who's having a bad day is a lot more fun than Robin Williams doing forty minutes of material."

Bruce McCulloch


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Funny Waitress Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

From Waitress

Dr. Pomatter: "I want to talk to you, somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have a coffee or something?"

Jenna: "I can't have coffee, it's on the bad food list you gave to me. What kind of doctor are you?"

From 3rd Rock from the Sun

Dr. Mary Albright: "He's an idiot."

Waitress: "Honey, they're all idiots. But that one's looking at you like you're the only girl on Earth. And although you're real pretty, you're not exactly the last ham sandwich in Hungry Town, if you get my drift."

From Roseanne

Roseanne [to Becky, who walks in wearing her skimpy waitress outfit]: "So, did you make many tips tonight? Or won't you know 'til you shake out your underpants?"

From Cheers

Diane: "Sam, if I am to serve both as a waitress and a butt of jokes, I think I should make more money."

Carla: "Yeah, what does a good butt make in this town?"

From Homicide: Life on the Street

Potential Waitress: "I'm not really a waitress. I write. One-acts."

Det. Munch: "Huh, one-act plays."

Potential Waitress: "Read them and we'll talk about them, okay?"

Det. Lewis: "You're a writer and you had to ask me for a pen?"

Potential Waitress: "My life is total irony."

From Just Shoot Me!

Elliot: "So you guys claim to have the world's best blueberry pie. I'll be the judge of that."

Waitress: "Oh, no, it's the great pie judge. What if you don't like it? I'll have to return to my village in shame."

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FREE AUDIO CLIPS

free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny Waitress Quotes ...
IN JOKE FORM

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

[Yogi Berra orders a pizza]

Waitress: "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?"

Yogi: "Four. I don't think I could eat eight."

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

mercury in fish article link; thumb of can of tuna You tell the waitress you want the fish special, and she insists that you have a side order of mercury. What?? That's crazy! Yes, but you might want to check out our article on mercury in fish to find out which fish have the problem—and why ...

 

Funny Waitress Quotes
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FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTE

If you know of a funny waitress quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOOD & NUTRITION

CATEGORY:  FOOD, AGRICULTURE — 07.JUL.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen The Lifeboat Hour

Reclaiming the Future of Food — Michael Brownlee, founder of Local Food Shift in Colorado, explains what we're not being told about our food. Topics include the unholy alliance between Big Food, Big Ag, and Big Pharma; the systematic suppression of local food options; water issues; radical climate shift and agricultural output.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   56:01

GP comment:  This is generally good, though I find it rather laughable that he promotes agriponics—a growing technology that is solidly in the "industrial agriculture" basket—as part of the solution to food sustainability.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD — 28.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Diet Science

Truvia—Sweetener or Insecticide? — The sweetener Truvia is touted as natural, but one of its major components comes from GMO corn and acts as an insecticide on certain bugs. Is Truvia OK for humans?
Go to page  |  Download/listen   7:33

GP comment:  Sweeteners—there's always a catch.

Original Show Pub Date: 23.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD, GMOs, CHEMICALS, HEALTH — 28.MAY.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good One Radio Network

Glyphosate—Either It Goes Away or We Go Away — Stephanie Seneff is a Senior Research Scientist at MIT. She's been studying the effects of GMOs and glyphosate, the primary herbicide used with GMOs, and what she has discovered is devastating: Glyphosate is ubiquitous and exposure is toxic, leading her to conclude that we either ban glyphosate's use or we prepare to die off. Topics include ... glyphosate and gut bacteria; glyphosate as a cause of fungal infections; glyphosate vs. bees, bats and other animals; Europe, Russia, China, and others pushing back against GMOs.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:03:24

GP comment:  GMOs are bad, bad, bad. And now they even spray glyphosate on non-GMO wheat as part of the harvest process? Eat organic!

Original Show Pub Date: 20.May.2014

MORE

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FUNNY ANIMATION ON
Restaurant Servers

waiter and two diners; click to go to video page

THE ABSENT-MINDED WAITER

An amusing, classic video short about a waiter who is absent-minded—or is his mind absent altogether?—featuring Steve Martin, Buck Henry, and Teri Garr. It gets off to a slow start, but there's a pretty good payoff at the end. Via YouTube. Watch funny waiter video.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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