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FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTES

What can I getcha, honey? Some funny waitress quotes? Maybe some waitress jokes on the side?

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Funny Waitress Quotes ...
GENERAL

"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."

Jane Siberry, avant garde musician
      See/hear Jane Siberry CDs and MP3s on Amazon.com

"When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress."

Gelett Burgess, Look Eleven Years Younger

"I don't love comedy but I can watch someone who's kind of interesting forever. I think a waitress who's having a bad day is a lot more fun than Robin Williams doing forty minutes of material."

Bruce McCulloch


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Funny Waitress Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

From Waitress

Dr. Pomatter: "I want to talk to you, somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have a coffee or something?"

Jenna: "I can't have coffee, it's on the bad food list you gave to me. What kind of doctor are you?"

From 3rd Rock from the Sun

Dr. Mary Albright: "He's an idiot."

Waitress: "Honey, they're all idiots. But that one's looking at you like you're the only girl on Earth. And although you're real pretty, you're not exactly the last ham sandwich in Hungry Town, if you get my drift."

From Roseanne

Roseanne [to Becky, who walks in wearing her skimpy waitress outfit]: "So, did you make many tips tonight? Or won't you know 'til you shake out your underpants?"

From Cheers

Diane: "Sam, if I am to serve both as a waitress and a butt of jokes, I think I should make more money."

Carla: "Yeah, what does a good butt make in this town?"

From Homicide: Life on the Street

Potential Waitress: "I'm not really a waitress. I write. One-acts."

Det. Munch: "Huh, one-act plays."

Potential Waitress: "Read them and we'll talk about them, okay?"

Det. Lewis: "You're a writer and you had to ask me for a pen?"

Potential Waitress: "My life is total irony."

From Just Shoot Me!

Elliot: "So you guys claim to have the world's best blueberry pie. I'll be the judge of that."

Waitress: "Oh, no, it's the great pie judge. What if you don't like it? I'll have to return to my village in shame."

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FREE AUDIO CLIPS

free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny Waitress Quotes ...
IN JOKE FORM

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

[Yogi Berra orders a pizza]

Waitress: "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?"

Yogi: "Four. I don't think I could eat eight."

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

mercury in fish article link; thumb of can of tuna You tell the waitress you want the fish special, and she insists that you have a side order of mercury. What?? That's crazy! Yes, but you might want to check out our article on mercury in fish to find out which fish have the problem—and why ...

 

Funny Waitress Quotes
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FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTE

If you know of a funny waitress quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOOD & NUTRITION

CATEGORY:  FOOD — 07.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Diet Science

The Skinny on Evaporated Cane Sugar — The health food industry routinely—and intentionally—misuses the terms like "evaporated cane sugar" to allow consumers to incorrectly infer that the ingredient is essentially "sugar cane squeezin's" and better for you than white sugar. Dee McCaffery explains the nuances of cane sugar—and why you should beware the "evaporated" moniker.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   7:49

GP comment:  Oh, those rascally corporate foodies, what will they think of next? That said, let's all take personal responsibility for our sugar habits.

Original Show Pub Date: 24.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ORGANICS — 05.APR.2014

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! Food Sleuth Radio

The Benefits of Organic and Grass-Fed — Agricultural nutritionist Chuck Benbrook talks about why organic foods typically have better nutrient profiles than conventional foods; why grass-fed dairy is far superior to grain-fed, regardless or whether it's organic; and why the advent of GMO crop technology has ultimately meant MORE herbicide use, not less.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   28:15

GP comment:  My only complaint here is that it was too short!

Original Show Pub Date: 27.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  FOOD, HEALTH — 04.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Food Sleuth Radio

FODMAP—Change Your Carby Food, Change Your Bloaty Life — Patsy Catsos discusses the FODMAP diet—which is really more of a "problem-food elimination scheme." Many people have a gut imbalance that causes certain types of sugars, alcohols, and fibers to ferment in the large intestine, causing problems that range from simple bloating and discomfort to full-blown bowel disease. By eliminating the whole complement of fermentable foods and then reintroducing them one at a time to monitor symptom reoccurrence, a person may be able to design a permanent diet that allows their gut to heal and their life to return to normal.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   28:15

GP comment:  Problems with inappropriate fermentation of foods in the lower gut is no doubt a problem for a great many people. Just don't forget that it may combine with other gut issues and make the diagnosis and cure less than simple.

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Mar.2014

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FUNNY ANIMATION ON
Restaurant Servers

waiter and two diners; click to go to video page

THE ABSENT-MINDED WAITER

An amusing, classic video short about a waiter who is absent-minded—or is his mind absent altogether?—featuring Steve Martin, Buck Henry, and Teri Garr. It gets off to a slow start, but there's a pretty good payoff at the end. Via YouTube. Watch funny waiter video.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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