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FUNNY VAMPIRE QUOTES

Be transfixed by funny vampire quotes! Be impaled by funny quotes about vampires!

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Funny Vampire Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake."

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'

"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."

Homer Simpson

"Oh, Lisa, you and your stories! 'Bart is a Vampire' ... 'Beer kills off brain cells' ... Now lets go back... to... that building... where bed and TV... is."

Homer Simpson

"There will be hoards of vampire bats descending on Beverly Hills.... We'll see if they can find any real flesh to puncture. I don't know."

Lucy Lawless, referencing the Hollywood premiere of 'Vampire Bats'

"I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow."

Bela Lugosi

"I was particularly stunned by the casting of [Tom] Cruise, who is no more my Vampire LeStat than Edward G. Robinson is Rhett Butler."

Anne Rice

"Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense."

Calvin Trillin


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Vampires Quotes (Funny) . . .
From 'BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER'

BUFFY: "I don't trust you. You're a vampire. Or is that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?"

XANDER: "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."

XANDER: "We're right behind you, only further back."

BUFFY: "I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?"

XANDER: "I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away."

BUFFY: "We saved the world. I say we have to party."

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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

cartoon image of dracula If a fanged, caped Transylvanian count says to you, "I vant to suck your electreecity" ... you will be experiencing true vampire power—the slow draw of electricity your home electronics use when they're off and waiting in "standby mode." Learn what you can do to keep this 'Dracula deficit' in check in our article about Vampire Power.

Or perhaps you ARE Vampires and you're concerned that all those high-side-effects prescription drugs that people take may affect YOU when you dine. Check out or article on prescription drugs vs. chemicals.



Funny Vampire Quotes
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If you know of a funny vampire quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
ON ALIENS & TRANSFORMATION

CATEGORY:  COSMIC / EMPIRE — 21.MAR.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Progressive Commentary Hour

The New Age of Transhumanism and the Future Deconstruction of the Human Being — Daniel Estulin discusses the themes of his book TransEvolution: The Coming Age of Human Deconstruction, which maps out The Powers That Be's vision for humanity. As humans increasingly embrace technology and internet-enabled connectivity, they are willingly changing their fundamental nature. How far will this trend go?
Go to page  |  Download/listen   55:09

GP comment:  Peak energy will probably mean that a lot of the plans for cyber-humans fall of their own weight.

Original Show Pub Date: 10.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  COSMIC / COLLAPSE — 29.MAR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good C-Realm Podcast

Sci-Fi Dystopia and Distinguishing Collapse from Catastrophe — KMO welcomes Chad Hill, the author of the Hipcrime Vocab blog, to carry on the conversation about the future. It may seem a mere artistic choice that science fiction has transitioned to squallid depictions of dysfunctional futures and away from Utopian visions of people and societies liberated from drudgery and conflict by advanced technology and good governance. But many of these trends reflect the reality of our increasingly Orwellian techno-fascist society.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:50

GP comment:  KMO's audio essay at the end is must-hear.

Original Show Pub Date: 26.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  COOL & COSMIC — 19.MAR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Expanding Mind

Complexity and Consciousness — Stem cell specialist Neil Theise explores how self-organization, cell theory, and complexity relate to consciousness and the quantum foam.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   50:01

GP comment:  Quite interesting, if a bit complex itself.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Feb.2014

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Dracula - Dead and Loving It (DVD)

 

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ANIMATION RELATED TO
Funny Vampires Quotes

photo of cat that looks like a vampire, with big fangs; click to view video on YouTube

KILLER VAMPIRE CATS

This video short weaves together music, text, and photos to create a purrfectly ghastly and amusing video montage. Via YouTube. Go there

       
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