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FUNNY VAMPIRE QUOTES

Be transfixed by funny vampire quotes! Be impaled by funny quotes about vampires!

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Funny Vampire Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake."

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'

"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."

Homer Simpson

"Oh, Lisa, you and your stories! 'Bart is a Vampire' ... 'Beer kills off brain cells' ... Now lets go back... to... that building... where bed and TV... is."

Homer Simpson

"There will be hoards of vampire bats descending on Beverly Hills.... We'll see if they can find any real flesh to puncture. I don't know."

Lucy Lawless, referencing the Hollywood premiere of 'Vampire Bats'

"I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow."

Bela Lugosi

"I was particularly stunned by the casting of [Tom] Cruise, who is no more my Vampire LeStat than Edward G. Robinson is Rhett Butler."

Anne Rice

"Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense."

Calvin Trillin


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Vampires Quotes (Funny) . . .
From 'BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER'

BUFFY: "I don't trust you. You're a vampire. Or is that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?"

XANDER: "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."

XANDER: "We're right behind you, only further back."

BUFFY: "I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?"

XANDER: "I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away."

BUFFY: "We saved the world. I say we have to party."

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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

cartoon image of dracula If a fanged, caped Transylvanian count says to you, "I vant to suck your electreecity" ... you will be experiencing true vampire power—the slow draw of electricity your home electronics use when they're off and waiting in "standby mode." Learn what you can do to keep this 'Dracula deficit' in check in our article about Vampire Power.

Or perhaps you ARE Vampires and you're concerned that all those high-side-effects prescription drugs that people take may affect YOU when you dine. Check out or article on prescription drugs vs. chemicals.



Funny Vampire Quotes
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If you know of a funny vampire quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Oracle of Mallorca

Wellbeing in a Time of Radical Change — 26 Apr 2013 — A vista is a comprehensive worldview made of your freely chosen beliefs about how things are in the universe, the world, and yourself, along with values to guide your behavior toward your wellbeing and that of your community and world. This show explains how to build them and what they mean for our lives in this time of radical change.
Go to page  |  Download/Listen   57:04

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Awakening to Conscious Co-Creation

The Sun, The Light, and the Consciousness of All — 24 Apr 2013— Greg Sams gives an update on his work with the consciousness of the sun and related concepts. He also talks about the role of light itself and how some of the ancients, including Akhenaten and Zoroaster, knew of these concepts. There is tremendous activity taking place in and around the sun currently, and Sams shares what is being learned.
Go to page  |  Download/Listen   59:43

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Red Ice Radio

Joseph P. Farrell:  Fake Terrorism, Covert Wars, and ET Threat Assessment — 02 May 2013 — Joseph P. Farrell pursues research in physics as well as alternative history and science. He discusses the Boston Marathon bombings and what appears to be an internal Gladio-style operation with a huge geopolitical agenda. Then he explains Putin's clash with the "world government" agenda. Later, Farrell talks about hidden meta-conflicts and the creation of a breakaway civilization that is being funded from the money generated by the Ponzi financial system.
Go to page  |  Download/Listen   53:10

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ANIMATION RELATED TO
Funny Vampires Quotes

photo of cat that looks like a vampire, with big fangs; click to view video on YouTube

KILLER VAMPIRE CATS

This video short weaves together music, text, and photos to create a purrfectly ghastly and amusing video montage. Via YouTube. Go there

       
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