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FUNNY DRACULA QUOTES

Good evening. I am Count Dracula. Please honor me by feasting on my funny Dracula quotes.

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Funny Dracula Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"If Dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

Steven Wright

"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, bat man.' "

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'

"When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary."

Red Buttons

"Count Dracula may not seem like the ideal husband. Of course he's deathly pale, but he's a vegetarian, and they all seem to look like that."

La Marchesa Di Fiore (Maxine McKendry) in 'Andy Warhol's Dracula'

"I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away."

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'


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Count Dracula Quotes (Funny) . . .
From 'LOVE AT FIRST BITE'

COUNT DRACULA: "Children of the night, shut up!"

COUNT DRACULA: "I'm going out for a bite to drink."

CINDY SONDHEIM: "We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie."

COUNT DRACULA: "No. With you, never a quickie, always a longie."

COUNT DRACULA: "Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two."

COUNT DRACULA: "Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night."

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free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny Dracula Quotes . . .
From 'DRACULA : THE SERIES'

LUCARD (DRACULA): "People are my greatest resource. I rarely turn down a chance to meet new blood."

LUCARD (DRACULA): "Stay as long as you like... longer even."

LUCARD (DRACULA): "What a third-rate creature you are, even by zombie standards."



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

cartoon image of dracula If a fanged, caped Transylvanian count says to you, "I vant to suck your electreecity" ... you will be experiencing true vampire power—the slow draw of electricity your home electronics use when they're off and waiting in "standby mode." Learn what you can do to keep this 'Dracula deficit' in check in our article about Vampire Power.

Or perhaps you ARE Count Dracula and you're concerned that all those high-side-effects prescription drugs that people take may affect YOU when you dine. Check out or article on prescription drugs vs. chemicals.



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If you know of a funny Count Dracula quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ON ALIENS & TRANSFORMATION

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 25.JUN.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Red Ice Radio

Privatization of UFO Technology — Richard Dolan is a researcher, author, and public speaker on the topic of UFOs and related matters. Here he discusses how UFO knowledge is likely at the heart of America’s black budget; how UFO knowledge has been "privatized" among a few key players in the military-industrial complex; what the profit motive and agenda might be; the possibility of other intelligences being involved; unguarded moments when insiders let information slip.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   54:15

GP comment:  I like the fact that Dolan is careful to constantly admit that much of this, however likely, is still speculative.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 17.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Awakening to Conscious Co-Creation

The Collapse of Materialism — Can human consciousness be explained by Darwin and materialist science? Does matter exist outside of the mind, with no rationale or direction, the universe created completely by chance? Materialists have held that there is no room for purpose or design. We exist in a random and unconscious universe that has evolved through natural selection. However a very different view of the universe and its creation has co-existed with this point of view. In the alternative version, the universe is the creation of a powerful and purposeful mind, one that exists outside of matter and is the creator of matter. For millennia, these two opposing viewpoints have clashed with catastrophic results. Philip Comella proposes a profound shift in the way that we look at the exchange of beliefs between these two domains. We may be at the beginning of a time of great spiritual awakening, one that unifies the now-colliding cultures of science and religion.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   54:17

GP comment:  Not perfect, but many interesting ideas.

Original Show Pub Date: 28.May.2014

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 28.MAY.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good 11:11 with Simran Singh

Discovering Your Soul Signature — Your soul signature is your spiritual DNA—it is who you are at your core, the most authentic part of you. When living it, you tap into your limitless potential. You can uncover your soul signature and begin to overcome the vibrational density and emotional obstacles that keep you from connecting to its unalterable truth.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   56:28

GP comment:  Don't know about the guy's fee-based course, but there are a lot of nuggets of cosmic wisdom spoken in this interview.

Original Show Pub Date: 08.May.2014

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DVD cover for Dracula - Dead and Loving It; click to view on Amazon dot com

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Dracula - Dead and Loving It (DVD)

 

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Love At First Bite (DVD)

   

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