FUNNY AIRPLANE QUOTES

"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."

— Al Gore

"Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful."

— Casey Stengel

"I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on."

— Jean Kerr

"I realized that If I had to choose, I would rather have birds than airplanes."

— Charles Lindbergh, Interview shortly before his death, 1974

Muhammad Ali: "Superman don't need no seat belt."

Flight attendant: "Superman don't need no airplane, either."

"Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot."

— Cynthia Heimel

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

— Unknown flight attendant

Airplane's Tagline: "What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound?"

Rumack: "You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."

Elaine Dickinson: "A hospital? What is it?"

Rumack: "It's a big building with patients..."

[as plane prepares for takeoff]

Hanging Lady: "Nervous?"

Ted Striker: "Yes."

Hanging Lady: "First time?"

Ted Striker: "No, I've been nervous lots of times."

Elaine Dickinson: "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"

Ted Striker: "Surely you can't be serious."

Rumack: "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."

Jack Kilpatrick: "Shana, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash."