FUNNY NUCLEAR QUOTES

"Don't get me wrong—I love nuclear energy! It's just that I prefer fusion to fission. And it just so happens that there's an enormous fusion reactor safely banked a few million miles from us. It delivers more than we could ever use in just about 8 minutes. And it's wireless!"

— William McDonough

"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce."

— Winston Churchill

"Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent."

— Terry Prachett

"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."

— Albert Einstein

"The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'Vhat's that noise?'"

— Robin Williams

"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry—that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island."

— Johnny Carson

AMAZON PURCHASES FROM HERE HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE. THANKS!

Titles link to DVD pages for each movie/show...

From Dr. Strangelove

Group Capt. Mandrake (Peter Sellers) to Col. Jack Ripper: "We don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, now do we Jack? "

From Dr. Strangelove

General Buck Turgidson, commenting on the prospects for a pre-emptive strike on the USSR: "Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say, no more than 10-20 million [US citizens] killed. Tops. Depending on the breaks."

From Family Guy

Peter Griffin [laughing at Lois]: "You said 'nuclear'! It's 'nucular,' dummy—the S is silent."

From Bones

Arastoo Vaziri: "I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins, cutlery. My best guess is: nuclear explosion just as the victim entered a 99 Cent Store."

From Mystery Science Theatre 3000

Crow T. Robot: "Whenever they test nuclear bombs, it's the monsters who suffer."

From The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: "A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner."

From Flexing with Monty

Lillith: "In time, after the great nuclear meltdown, we will revert to the slime of our earliest ancestors, but what is most frightening is that we, the women of the world, will have to lay eggs in a marsh."

AMAZON PURCHASES FROM HERE HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE. THANKS!

Search Amazon.com for more...

"Nuclear apocalypse—who do you need? Actors are probably not top of the list. What can I do for you? I can pretend to be somebody who can grow you some nice crops."

— Christian Bale

"Of course I've got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons: I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them, they screw everything up."

— Danny DeVito

The Warrior...
"It would be our policy to use nuclear weapons wherever we felt it necessary to protect our forces and achieve our objectives."

— Robert McNamara

...and the Businessman
Kennedy said that if we had nuclear war we'd kill 300 million people in the first hour. McNamara, who is a good businessman and likes to save, says it would be only 200 million."

— Norman Thomas