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FUNNY QUOTES - JAIL/PRISON/BAIL

You're in the big house of funny prison quotes. We've posted funny bail quotes to get these innocent funny jail quotes out of lockup.

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Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail."

Lewis Mumford

"I don't like jail; they got the wrong kind of bars in there."

Charles Bukowski

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging."

Joe Martin, Mister Boffo

"They're not supposed to show prison films in prison. Especially ones that are about escaping."

Steve Buscemi

"Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison."

John Hardwick


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Funny Bail/Jail/Prison Quotes ...
FROM TV

From Alfred Hitchcock Presents

chalk outline of Alfred Hitchcock Intro to "The Better Bargain": "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A special word to those of you who have been arrested while speeding home to see this show. I can do nothing to bail you out. And I'm afraid the magistrate is only slightly in my debt. I shall, however, do everything I can to make you forget your troubles. Tonight's narrative is about gangsters. And I thought I'd best test some of the props."

From The Simpsons

Homer Simpson: "Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail. Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group.... [whispering] I'm the fat one."

Adam Sandler as Opera Man From Saturday Night Live

Opera Man (Adam Sandler):
Amy Fisher, Buddafuco...
El narc-o, el shoot-o!
In jail-o, No bail-o...
Senora, you're a whor-a!

From The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

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Funny Prison/Jail/Bail Quotes ...
TAKES A MINUTE

"HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."

H. L. Mencken

 
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If you know of a funny quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS AND TPTB

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 09.AUG.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

"President O'Bombing"—US Airstrikes Begin Anew in Iraq — US military aircraft carried out airstrikes in northern Iraq in an attempt to halt sweeping advances by ISIS. Phyllis Bennis, a fellow at the Institute for Policy Studies, discusses the situation.
Watch  |  Download/listen   19:23

GP comment:  Beyond Amy Goodman's priceless "President O'Bombing" slip, this clip is pretty good because the guest puts the latest US insanity in context.

Original Show Pub Date: 08.Aug.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, MEDIA — 14.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Democracy Now

The Impact of WikiLeaks' Nearly 8 Million Released Documents — Julian Assange reviews of some of the important shifts that have happed as a result of Wikileaks and similar reporting efforts, including the Collateral Murder video, the US decision to leave Afghanistan, and corrupt influence practices by the US in other countries. He also explains why the new supposedly independent media outlet "The Intercept" may prove to be limited by its elite ownership.
Watch  |  Download/listen   16:51

GP comment:  Assange makes an interesting point that the de facto circumstances of his embassy environs, as limited by the threat of arrest if he leaves the building, do not even meet the international standard for fresh air and light for POWs.

Original Show Pub Date: 09.Jul.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 24.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Keiser Report

Sub-Prime Car Loans and the Next Bubble — Max Keiser and Stacy Herbert discuss the emergence of a building bubble in the car loan market. It's a new subprime loan scam that will end in heartache for unqualified borrowers, bank-bailout taxes for the rest of us when the rescue packages get forced on us, and more bonuses for the clever banksters who keep coming up with these schemes.
Watch  |  Download/listen   12:25

GP comment:  In the collapse of the subprime housing bubble, the media aimed the blame at unqualified borrowers. That was ridiculous—whether unlucky, stupid, or greedy, those borrowers took their lumps by losing their houses. The banks, on the other hand, did not take their lumps—the richie riches got a bailout. Will it be the same when the car loan bubble bursts?

Original Show Pub Date: 22.Jul.2014

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RELATED SONG
Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes

Graham Nash - Prison Song link; thumb of Graham Nash album cover

GRAHAM NASH –
“PRISON SONG”

And here's a song to sing
For every man inside;
If he can hear you sing,
It's an open door.
There's not a rich man there
Who couldn't pay his way
And buy the freedom that's a
High price for the poor.

A classic from Graham Nash. Hear/see "Prison Song" music video with lyrics.

Other options:
Environmental Songs
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