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FUNNY QUOTES - JAIL/PRISON/BAIL

You're in the big house of funny prison quotes. We've posted funny bail quotes to get these innocent funny jail quotes out of lockup.

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Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail."

Lewis Mumford

"I don't like jail; they got the wrong kind of bars in there."

Charles Bukowski

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging."

Joe Martin, Mister Boffo

"They're not supposed to show prison films in prison. Especially ones that are about escaping."

Steve Buscemi

"Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison."

John Hardwick


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Funny Bail/Jail/Prison Quotes ...
FROM TV

From Alfred Hitchcock Presents

chalk outline of Alfred Hitchcock Intro to "The Better Bargain": "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A special word to those of you who have been arrested while speeding home to see this show. I can do nothing to bail you out. And I'm afraid the magistrate is only slightly in my debt. I shall, however, do everything I can to make you forget your troubles. Tonight's narrative is about gangsters. And I thought I'd best test some of the props."

From The Simpsons

Homer Simpson: "Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail. Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group.... [whispering] I'm the fat one."

Adam Sandler as Opera Man From Saturday Night Live

Opera Man (Adam Sandler):
Amy Fisher, Buddafuco...
El narc-o, el shoot-o!
In jail-o, No bail-o...
Senora, you're a whor-a!

From The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

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Funny Prison/Jail/Bail Quotes ...
TAKES A MINUTE

"HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."

H. L. Mencken

 
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If you know of a funny quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS AND TPTB

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 01.JUL.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Guns and Butter

Catherine Austin Fitts on Wealth Harvesting and the Black Budget — Financial guru Catherine Austin Fitts talks explains how she came up with the figure of $40 trillion in wealth stolen from the general public in the last 30 years. Topics include... how they did it; who "they" are; what they are likely using the money for; the Financial Coup d'Etat; privatizing of government budget management; history and organization of the financial system since World War II; the Exchange Stabilization Fund, a weapon managed by the New York Fed; the future world of digital currencies; why the bubbles and financial schemes are far too large to be explained by incompetence or corruption.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:00

GP comment:  Lots of great speculation here, though much of it is indeed speculation. And she doesn't have it quite right on the budget stuff—-there's the normal government budget world, in which dutiful accountants, both govvies and contractors, monitor the funds down to the penny. Then there is the world of "off budget" items and black budgets, into which trillions flow.... and go missing.

Original Show Pub Date: 25.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL, EMPIRE — 24.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good C-Realm Podcast

Notions of a New Economy — At the CommonBound 2014 gathering, KMO interviews guests on the topic of shifting to a sustainable economy. Guests are NEC president Bob Massie; Chuck Collins of the Institute for Policy Studies; and Lauren Hudson of Solidarity NYC. All three conversations touch on technology, messaging, and what constitutes effective action in the movement to foster a just transition to a new economic reality and a political process that works for people, not plutocrats.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:07:57

GP comment:  It's always tempting to dash the ship of good hope on the rocks of reality, but the speakers here do get into some of the knotty issues that go with daunting goals like a "new economy."

Original Show Pub Date: 18.Jun.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 20.JUN.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Diet Soap Podcast

The Imperial Risk — Margaret Kimberley and Douglas Lain discuss US imperialism. Topics include Ukraine, mainstream media, Obama the uber-imperialist, and capitalism as a game of Risk.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:00

GP comment:  Takeaway line: "Democrats or Republicans, you're still going to get imperialism."

Original Show Pub Date: 07.Jun.2014

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RELATED SONG
Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes

Graham Nash - Prison Song link; thumb of Graham Nash album cover

GRAHAM NASH –
“PRISON SONG”

And here's a song to sing
For every man inside;
If he can hear you sing,
It's an open door.
There's not a rich man there
Who couldn't pay his way
And buy the freedom that's a
High price for the poor.

A classic from Graham Nash. Hear/see "Prison Song" music video with lyrics.

Other options:
Environmental Songs
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