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FUNNY QUOTES - JAIL/PRISON/BAIL

You're in the big house of funny prison quotes. We've posted funny bail quotes to get these innocent funny jail quotes out of lockup.

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Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail."

Lewis Mumford

"I don't like jail; they got the wrong kind of bars in there."

Charles Bukowski

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging."

Joe Martin, Mister Boffo

"They're not supposed to show prison films in prison. Especially ones that are about escaping."

Steve Buscemi

"Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison."

John Hardwick


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Funny Bail/Jail/Prison Quotes ...
FROM TV

From Alfred Hitchcock Presents

chalk outline of Alfred Hitchcock Intro to "The Better Bargain": "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A special word to those of you who have been arrested while speeding home to see this show. I can do nothing to bail you out. And I'm afraid the magistrate is only slightly in my debt. I shall, however, do everything I can to make you forget your troubles. Tonight's narrative is about gangsters. And I thought I'd best test some of the props."

From The Simpsons

Homer Simpson: "Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail. Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group.... [whispering] I'm the fat one."

Adam Sandler as Opera Man From Saturday Night Live

Opera Man (Adam Sandler):
Amy Fisher, Buddafuco...
El narc-o, el shoot-o!
In jail-o, No bail-o...
Senora, you're a whor-a!

From The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

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Funny Prison/Jail/Bail Quotes ...
TAKES A MINUTE

"HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."

H. L. Mencken

 
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If you know of a funny quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS AND TPTB

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE, FINANCIAL — 07.APR.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Corbett Report

Global Imperialism, Currency Wars, and Decoupling from the Bankster System — James Corbett talks about the crisis of civilization, as the gaping maw of the global empire starts to turn inward to gobble up its own. Topics include the collapse of the dollar reserve paradigm and the threat it poses to the average man or woman; Putin and Russia's gambit; ways that people can disengage from the military-banker system and avoid being crushed by its machinations and perturbations.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   32:25

GP comment:  BitCoin and other global alternative currencies will always, one way or another, eventually be absorbed, co-opted, or taken down by the establishment financial system. More hope lies in local currencies and true lifestyle change. Have you stopped using your credit card yet? (And remember, even if you get your card from your local bank or credit union, the banksters run the back end and still make their money.)

Original Show Pub Date: 31.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 04.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Real World of Money

Andrew Gause on Money Printing and Infrastructure, the SS Trust Fund, Taking Over the Federal Reserve, more — Andrew Gause's topics include ... TPTB are creating lots of new money, but they clearly don't think it should be used for infrastructure in US; why the Social Security Trust Fund doesn’t exist; why China's currency being a reserve currency is unlikely; why we should not dissolve the Federal Reserve System but rather should just have Treasury take it over for the benefit of all taxpayers; the troubles Mr. Putin is having with the banksters.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:00:53

GP comment:  In the end, circumstances may prove him right about investing in collectible coins, but just remember that the premium price commanded by a collectible collapses if everything else collapses.

Original Show Pub Date: 02.Apr.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 03.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Guns and Butter

The Deep State, from WWII to Present — Historian Peter Dale Scott discusses the rise of the Deep State—a covert organization with the CIA at its heart that pulls the strings of the world. Topics include the importance of the illicit drug trade to the behavior of the US empire; before there was an Israel there was a Mossad trying to get Israel set up; the "rat lines"—a sort of underground railroad that smuggled both Nazis and Jews out of Germany; the War on Drugs as just another facet of the CIA-controlled drug trade.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:52

GP comment:  Excellent point about the War on Drugs being undertaken to make the illicit side more profitable. More broadly, the machine always seeks to profit off both sides of any duality.

Original Show Pub Date: 19.Mar.2014

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RELATED SONG
Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes

Graham Nash - Prison Song link; thumb of Graham Nash album cover

GRAHAM NASH –
“PRISON SONG”

And here's a song to sing
For every man inside;
If he can hear you sing,
It's an open door.
There's not a rich man there
Who couldn't pay his way
And buy the freedom that's a
High price for the poor.

A classic from Graham Nash. Hear/see "Prison Song" music video with lyrics.

Other options:
Environmental Songs
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