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FUNNY QUOTES - JAIL/PRISON/BAIL

You're in the big house of funny prison quotes. We've posted funny bail quotes to get these innocent funny jail quotes out of lockup.

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Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes ...
GENERAL

"A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail."

Lewis Mumford

"I don't like jail; they got the wrong kind of bars in there."

Charles Bukowski

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging."

Joe Martin, Mister Boffo

"They're not supposed to show prison films in prison. Especially ones that are about escaping."

Steve Buscemi

"Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison."

John Hardwick


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Funny Bail/Jail/Prison Quotes ...
FROM TV

From Alfred Hitchcock Presents

chalk outline of Alfred Hitchcock Intro to "The Better Bargain": "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A special word to those of you who have been arrested while speeding home to see this show. I can do nothing to bail you out. And I'm afraid the magistrate is only slightly in my debt. I shall, however, do everything I can to make you forget your troubles. Tonight's narrative is about gangsters. And I thought I'd best test some of the props."

From The Simpsons

Homer Simpson: "Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail. Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group.... [whispering] I'm the fat one."

Adam Sandler as Opera Man From Saturday Night Live

Opera Man (Adam Sandler):
Amy Fisher, Buddafuco...
El narc-o, el shoot-o!
In jail-o, No bail-o...
Senora, you're a whor-a!

From The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

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Funny Prison/Jail/Bail Quotes ...
TAKES A MINUTE

"HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime."

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."

H. L. Mencken

 
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If you know of a funny quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS AND TPTB

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 12.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Keiser Report

Where is the Next Generation of Protesters? — Max Keiser and Stacy Herbert discuss an article in The Guardian that examines why young people are not protesting against a system that clearly does not have their best interests in mind. The young people point out that the interconnection between corporations and government, combined with the restrictive policies that cause police to deal with any protest as if it were a riot, make protest a risky proposition, from a short-term safety standpoint and from a career standpoint.
Watch  |  Download/listen   12:33

GP comment:  For now, at least, the youngsters are somewhat exaggerating the risk of protest and free speech. Beyond that, though, why is it the younger generation's responsibility to fix this mess? It's the previous two generations that abandoned good citizenship in favor of the perks of empire. Step up, people.

Original Show Pub Date: 10.Apr.2014

CATEGORY:  MUSIC — 12.APR.2014

CATEGORY:  EMPIRE — 11.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good The Shortwave Report

Empire vs. Venezuelan, Argentina, and Cuba—to Name a Few — The Shortwave Report features short news clips from various media outlets around the world. Topics here include ... Venezuelan President Maduro has accused the US of backing violent actions and promoting a coup in his country. ~~ An opinion piece on the creation of social-media propaganda by US AID to create dissidence in Cuba. ~~ An interview with a Adrian Salbuchi from Argentina on the reasons Britain and the US were so concerned about the attempted takeover of the Malvinas (Falkland) Islands in 1982. ~~ There was a gathering in Rwanda to remember the genocide of 800,000 that began 20 years ago.
Show notes page  |  Download/listen   29:00

GP comment:  Empire never sleeps.

Original Show Pub Date: 11.Apr.2014

CATEGORY:  FINANCIAL — 11.APR.2014

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Peak Prosperity

The Benefits of Deploying Investment Capital Locally — One can make a strong case that all investing—making money just because you have money—is a parasitic activity on the productive workforce. But if you're not ready to go that far, Michael Shuman's plan is probably more your speed. He suggests that it's waaaaay better to invest in local businesses than to invest in Wall Street or similar markets. Local investing can provide better returns for you personally and it is proven to improve capital retention within a community.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   43:48

GP comment:  And let's not forget about the improved karma.

Original Show Pub Date: 23.Mar.2014

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RELATED SONG
Funny Jail/Bail/Prison Quotes

Graham Nash - Prison Song link; thumb of Graham Nash album cover

GRAHAM NASH –
“PRISON SONG”

And here's a song to sing
For every man inside;
If he can hear you sing,
It's an open door.
There's not a rich man there
Who couldn't pay his way
And buy the freedom that's a
High price for the poor.

A classic from Graham Nash. Hear/see "Prison Song" music video with lyrics.

Other options:
Environmental Songs
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