FUNNY MOVIE QUOTES

"Never judge a book by its movie."

— J. W. Eagan

"Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes."

— John LeCarre

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."

— Dave Barry

"Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation."

— Walter Winchell

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."

— Fred Allen

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

— Will Rogers

"It's said in Hollywood that you should always forgive your enemies—because you never know when you'll have to work with them."

— Lana Turner

"The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is out-grossing my films."

— Paul Newman

"It grossed something like 12 million dollars and started a cycle of so-called boy-meets-ghoul horror films."

— Boris Karloff

"Life is like a B-picture script. It is that corny. If I had my life story offered to me to film, I'd turn it down."

— Kirk Douglas

"My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave."

— Burt Reynolds

"Remember, I'm the kind of kid who used to get stuffed into a locker by school bullies. I've never felt like I'm a big star at any level of my life."

— Winona Ryder

"Show me an actress who isn't a personality and I'll show you a woman who isn't a star."

— Katharine Hepburn

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"In England, I'm a horror movie director. In Germany, I'm a filmmaker. In the United States, I'm a bum."

— John Carpenter

"Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award."

— Billy Wilder

"A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad."

— Samuel Goldwyn

"A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission, and the babysitter were worth it."

— Alfred Hitchcock

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

— Alfred Hitchcock

"If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job."

— Woody Allen

"Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union."

— Samuel Goldwyn

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper that it's written on."

— Samuel Goldwyn

"For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. "

— Alfred Hitchcock

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"Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word."

— Ian Shoales

"I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music."

— Elton John

"I was particularly stunned by the casting of [Tom] Cruise, who is no more my Vampire LeStat than Edward G. Robinson is Rhett Butler."

— Anne Rice, author of Interview with The Vampire

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"

— Christina Aguilera

"There is only one thing that can kill the movies, and that is education."

— Will Rogers

"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day."

— Jay Mohr