"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something."
"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind."
"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."
"The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil."
"Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich—something for nothing. "
"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."
"In Louisiana, we don't bet on football games, we bet on whether a politician is going to be indicted or not."
"Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people."
"I don't gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn't give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off."
"Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"No wife can endure a gambling husband—unless he is a steady winner."
"A Gentleman is a man who will pay his gambling debts even when he knows he has been cheated."
"If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough."